off the grid

Hello, bloggers!  This is a notification that I'm rushing to put in because I normally don't have internet where I'm at, presently.  I am traveling and my internet access is severely clipped.  So sorry.  However, I am still diligently working on e-words, it'll just take a while for me to catch up on each of them for you.  I will continue to have limited internet access for a couple of weeks.  I promise I'm not being negligent, I just don't have the internet proximity at the moment to stay caught up. 

Please be patient with me and don't get discouraged!  Keep investigating and learning to love your words.  Love you. 

Larry

emit

EMIT', v.t. [L. emitto; e and mitto, to send.]

1. To send forth; to throw or give out; as, fire emits heat and smoke; boiling water emits steam; the sun and moon emit light; animal bodies emit perspirable matter; putrescent substances emit offensive or noxious exhalations.

2. To let fly; to discharge; to dart or shoot; as, to emit an arrow. [Unusual.]

3. To issue forth, as an order or decree. [Unusual.]

4. To issue, as notes or bills of credit; to print, and send into circulation. The United States have once emitted treasury notes.

 

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I find this word puzzling.  How do you explain such a powerful word?  I emitted today.  I didn't stink with body odor or putrescent substances, thank goodness.  That's a bonus.  But I believe I emitted a feeling that originated from me.  Two people commented today that they felt different, better for being around me today.  Oh, make that three.  (One of them told someone how they felt around me and they passed on the information to me.)  In all 3 cases it effected a change in them.  Strange.  I never thought I was particularly noticeable to anyone, much less emitting a positive energy.  I'm so used to being overlooked, that it feels strange to be noticed---especially for something good.  I am obviously not comfortable acknowledging this emission of myself, or for accepting the praise.  I believe I need to get over that.  

 

I emitted love today to my daughter.  Just a follow-up on the issue we were having.....I lifted the sentence.  No, I did not "give in", so don't think I'm a whimp.  I spent some time on my knees and all day today pondering if I was doing more damage than good.  I called my daughter into my room and we knelt and prayed together so we would both understand how to approach this situation.  

 

You know what?  She said, "Mom, I made a decision to not be angry or resentful.  I trust that you know I needed the discipline. I will not be repeating this behavior again."  She then cried meek little tears.  She said, "I don't want to be the kind of girl who throws a fit whenever she doesn't get what she wants anymore."  The entire incident opened up a dialogue we'd never had before, and I was able to tell her I loved her.  She emitted such meekness and humility.  I was then able to truly emit a motherly love that she'd blocked before.  She felt my love.  I felt her sincerity.  So no, this was not giving in.  I lifted the sentencing from her because she had learned the lesson and decided to receive it with and in love.  MAJOR breakthrough today with her.  

 

You know what else?  I can actually feel emissions going from me.  Whether it's love or anger, carelessness or carefulness, smiles or frowns......I can actually FEEL them going forth from me.  My enthusiasm for knowledge is apparently catchy and people are receiving it happily.  Who knew?  

 

I wish I could take a couple of days and really get to know this word inside and out.  As it is, just with one day, I feel I am on the verge of discovering something seriously grand about this word; perhaps even more grand than what I've already experienced today.  

 

That's how I feel about all these words:  If  I were to meditate and ponder each word for 2 or 3 days, I think I'd actually have some "vision quest" experience with them, so powerful are they.  Words are powerful.  There is certainly more to this word than meets the eye.  What a fascinating journey this is!

 

 

Exact

EXACT', v.t. egzact'. [L. exigo, exactum. See the Adjective.]

1. To force or compel to pay or yield; to demand or require authoritatively; to extort by means of authority or without pity or justice. It is an offense for an officer to exact illegal or unreasonable fees. It is customary for conquerors to exact tribute or contributions from conquered countries.

2. To demand or right. Princes exact obedience of their subjects. The laws of God exact obedience from all men.

3. To demand of necessity; to enforce a yielding or compliance; or to enjoin with pressing urgency.

Duty,

EXACT', v.i. To practice extortion.

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Well, definition 1 and 2 don't really apply, I feel, as they are enforced, must use force to make it happen.
The 3rd definition is more in keeping with what I feel I should do:  "...to enjoin with pressing urgency."

THAT one is what I put into effect today.  I worked on my business quite a bit today, hashed out some details, things that I've been putting off because I've been overwhelmed by them.  But, because of my e-word today, it was easier to get down to brass tacks and make some progress with it.  It was highly productive, as I was able to pinpoint more exactly what needs to be done from here on out.  I exacted a result to enjoin with pressing urgency.  Cool. And a relief.  Now I can move past it and get even MORE done.  Yay!

I guess I also had to make a demand, exact some obedience from one of my children, so I suppose definition #2 might actually apply.   My 14-yr-old daughter took off this afternoon without telling anyone where she was going.  She didn't ask permission, didn't inform anyone as to her destination.  She had accepted a babysitting job without letting me know, and I had no idea where she was.  Moms panic in those situations.  I know that she's almost 15 and is beginning to assert some independence.  I respect that.   She is definitely growing into a young woman and is testing the boundaries of her maturity.  I get it.  And I understand it.  However, she's not an adult yet, hasn't yet earned the trust this kind of thing takes.  This is a situation that has repeated itself countless times and she just doesn't seem to get its importance.  How can we be good stewards over her if we don't know where she is?  Does she not know how dangerous that kind of behavior is?  Does she really think that she's smarter than those of us who are seasoned and wise? Does she not understand that defying true authority is a recipe for a miserable life later on?  Did I mention this type of behavior is dangerous in this scary world?  Like, duh! And what is it going to take for her to get it? Like I said, this has been going on for some time now, and she is heedless of the rule. 

Her birthday is Tuesday.  She had permission to go on a 3-day water park outing with a family she babysits for.  She was going to be gone Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  This WAS her birthday present.  I REALLY find this whole thing distasteful, but I had to pull the privilege from her.  She's devastated, has been crying.  I had to "exact obedience".  Do kings and queens feel guilty when they have to do this with their subjects?  Granted, she's not my "subject", but she is my daughter, over whom I have a serious stewardship.  I really want to cave, but that would not be exacting the desired result---for her to learn obedience.  I don't want subjection from her.  Just obedience.  If  she cannot honor her father or mother, she will never be able to truly honor herself; or her friends; or her future husband; or her children.  In the long run, I know this will be just a little sting.  But for now, I feel like I've ruined her life.  She feels like that too.  She doesn't know the favor I've paid her tonight, doesn't know the kind of love it took to stay firm in exacting obedience from her.  I really wanted to give in and let her have what she wants, but what would that have accomplished?  Aaaugh!  I am driving myself crazy with guilt and parental reasoning.   I love her so much, I'm going to follow through with it.  I love her!  When is the little stinker going to see that?  When she has her own 15-year-old daughter, most likely.  I so wish she didn't have to learn this the painful way.  I so wish it. 

Sigh.  This was exactly what I was hoping to avoid today.  Double sigh. 

To "exact obedience" from another has been a difficult thing for me today.  I hope the coming days aren't so painful. 

 

examine

EXAM'INE, v.t. egzam'in. [L. examino, from examen.]

1. To inspect carefully, with a view to discover truth or the real state of a thing; as, to examine a ship to know whether she is sea-worthy, or a house to know whether repairs are wanted.

2. To search or inquire into facts and circumstances by interrogating; as, to examine a witness.

3. To look into the state of a subject; to view in all its aspects; to weigh arguments and compare facts, with a view to form a correct opinion or judgment. Let us examine this proposition; let us examine this subject in all its relations and bearing; let us examine into the state of this question.

4. To inquire into the improvements or qualifications of students, by interrogatories, proposing problems, or by hearing their recitals; as, to examine the classes in college; to examine the candidates for a degree, or for a license to preach or to practice in a profession.

5. To try or assay by experiments; as, to examine minerals.

6. To try by a rule or law.

Examine yourselves whether ye are in the faith. 2 Cor.13.

7. In general, to search; to scrutinize; to explore, with a view to discover truth; as, to examine ourselves; to examine the extent of human knowledge.

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Let's just let me get it out there from the first:  These e-words are HARD!   They have to be approached WAY differently than what I got used to with the C-words.  This is taking more discipline than I thought it would, and a LOT more focus. 

That being said, they're way impressive, too.  To do this right, I've got to actually dig way deep down to do these.  Especially today's word.  Examine. 

Though our anniversary was last week, my husband and I celebrated today.  We went out to lunch, went window shopping, talked about our lives quite a bit.  We started talking about when we were newlyweds 21 years ago and our hopes and dreams back then.  Then we examined where we'd come to 21 years later.  Whoa.  Beyond an eye-opener.  Wow, have we changed.  Or, more accurately, our ideas and goals and energy levels have changed as parents and as a couple.  Perhaps even some of our priorities. 

Plus, I examined myself over the last couple of days.  What are MY goals?  MY hopes and dreams?  Have they changed?  I concluded that they have not.  They are the same.  However, how I'm accomplishing those goals is certainly changing----dramatically.  I am softer, kinder, gentler.  I am approaching life with more allowance of peoples' hangups and my own, as well.  I am learning, ever learning ways to improve my life, to bring me some inner peace and true fearlessness in the face of uncertainty.  I can't say I've succeeded completely with all of those, but upon further examination, I'll probably find I've made significant progress.  I hope, in my intense examination of my character, that I am learning more of how to love; how to love myself, others and all of creation.  That is my hope, and my efforts are certainly going into that. 

Examine is a good word.  A necessary word.  It shows me where I am, how far I've got to go, and what effort it's going to take to get there.  It's a great place to start, and a good thing to do throughout the journey. 

Yep.  A good word. 

Eliminate Follow-up

Okay, this was an interesting day with this word.  It's one thing to think to eliminate something, it's another to actually DO it. 

Pride.  I want to eliminate pride.  Why, oh, why is pride so tenacious?  It hangs on with claws that dig in and the harder you try to throw it off, the tighter it clings.  Ew.  Sigh.  However, the interesting thing about pride is that it has a way of arrogantly throwing you out there for life to humble you.  At least that seems to be the case with me.

Actually, I am improving in this endeavor to eliminate pride.  I have been working on obtaining Christlike attributes for a couple of years now.  This has been a very earnest endeavor for me, as I desire to be worthy of great blessings from Heaven.  I want to be worthy to perform miracles, to heal, to effect change in the hearts of those around me.  I desire to be clean and pure---good to the core.  Pride has GOT to go. 

I almost got into an argument with my 14-yr-old son today.  Almost.  That is HUGE progress.  He was hankerin' for a knock down drag-out fight and I almost got snared.  But I saw it for what it was and was able to eliminate my need to be right and walk away.  That made him even more angry, as he tried to reel me in again.  The insults started in as he followed me around. 

I am not telling any of this so that you'll think badly of my son.  He really doesn't understand fully what he's doing.  I'm telling this so that I can describe MY behavior, MY reaction, MY decision in engaging or not engaging.  I swallowed my pride and walked.  Usually, I go off to a corner and mutter and complain for a couple of hours, but today that pride didn't even get 60 seconds out of me.  I eliminated it..  Completely.  However, though the battle may have been won, the war still rages; meaning, I will have more opportunities to swallow pride.  I'm sure something will bring it out in me day to day.  Well, I can choose to be bummed out over that, or choose to look forward to another battle to actually WIN, as I won today. So.....Yay!  I get to do this again tomorrow!  Yippee!

I also had opportunity to get into an argument with Jim.  I didn't.  We disagreed on a point of child-rearing.  Ouch.  No fighting this time.  He was ready to.  I kept my voice gentle, stayed in a place of love and grace. 
I win again!  Wow.  Two successes in one day! 

Now, if I can just keep my pride from making me cocky, that would be great.  Aauuugh!  Too late.  Sigh.  I guess I start eliminating again tomorrow.  Drat!

Happily, two successes are better than none.  This is progress!  Happy day!

eliminate

ELIM'INATE, v.t. [L. elimino; e or ex and limen, threshhold.]

1. To thrust out of doors.

2. To expel; to thrust out; to discharge, or throw off; to set at liberty.

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Wow.  This is a strong word.  I have been thinking about it all day.  I have not acted on it yet.  I will continue this blog entry in a follow-up tomorrow.  I was serious when I said I should invent a planner, as I think it would be prudent to think on a word before it is employed, or acted upon, then write how it was acted upon in the planner.  These e-words take forethought in a BIG way.  I would not have guessed.

I am partaking of the Sacrament tomorrow morning.  I've been thinking about sins and weaknesses, transgressions out of sheer ignorance.  I have the opportunity to offer upon an altar of the Lord a broken heart and contrite spirit, to offer Him a sin or weakness that I would not otherwise acknowledge.  Knowing that He would  gladly take it helps in my motivation, as long as I'm sincere in giving it. 

Knowing I can't take this lightly, which weakness or sin will I offer?  I have to be completely committed to it for Him to accept it.  What would I "eliminate"?

Do I have anything that I would "thrust out", "discharge", "set at liberty"?  My pride, certainly.  Yes, I think that's what I will commune with God about tomorrow and the coming days/weeks.  This might take some time to "throw off", but I'm certain He'll accept this offering line upon line and precept upon precept as I learn to "eliminate' it.  Maybe the scriptural language with this would be "cast off" pride.  "Eliminate"  is a good, cleansing word.  I will apply it spiritually first, then see how I can act on it during the day tomorrow.  I'll update tomorrow evening.

effect

EFFECT', n. [L. effectus, from efficio; ex and facio, to make.]

1. That which is produced by an agent or cause; as the effect of luxury; the effect of intemperance.

Poverty, disease and disgrace are the natural effects of dissipation.

2. Consequence; event.

To say that a composition is imperfect,is in effect to say the author is a man.

3. Purpose; general intent.

They spoke to her to that effect. 2 Chron.34.

4. Consequence intended; utility; profit; advantage.

Christ is become of no effect to you. Gal.5.

5. Force; validity. The obligation is void and of no effect.

6. Completion; perfection.

Not so worthily to be brought to heroical effect by fortune or necessity.

7. Reality; not mere appearance; fact.

No other in effect than what it seems.

8. In the plural, effects are goods; movables; personal estate. The people escaped from the town with their effects.EFFECT', v.t. [from the Noun.] To produce, as a cause or agent; to cause to be. The revolution in France effected a great change of property.

1. To bring to pass; to achieve; to accomplish; as, to effect an object or purpose.

 Well, I am back.  I went 5 days without the internet and found that very frustrating.  I couldn't blog or research or create or anything.  Wow, how my life has become dependent on the computer!  It's good that I had my phone.  Otherwise, I'd have had no contact with the outside world whatsoever.  Phew!  

Something I've noticed about the E-words is that I can't do them at the end of the day.  I have to be prepared bright and early every morning with the word, the definition, etc.  These are VERBS.  That gives a clear indication that they have to be acted upon, and I can't act on the e-words without intent.  So I have to evaluate them and use them with INTENT.  I need a planner for this.  I think I'll invent one. 

My word yesterday was "effect".  I LOVED this word!  I had to ask myself all day, "Self, what effect will this have?"  and "Self, will this have the desired effect?"  "Self, you have the power to effect a change."  By the end of the day, I could sit and reflect on whether I effected people, places and things.  What effect does my presence have in the home?  What effect do I WANT it to have in the home?  With my children?  My spouse?  The house itself?  Did I effect?

When I go into a situation, do I leave it in a different state than when I arrived?  Is it positive?  Or do I effect negatively?  Whoa.  These e-words are WAY different from the c-words.

I actually had to use this word with a specific purpose.  And I made the goal to be nice while doing it.  Not an easy task.  I made a list of the people I wanted to effect.  Then I made a list of how I could effect them. Then I went through and listed the things I want to effect for myself.  It only took a few minutes, but it certainly gave me focus for the day.  With the e-words, it is much more necessary to truly focus and pinpoint the reason I want what I want and how I'm gonna get it.  I could actually FEEL the focal point of it in my mind.  Quite extraordinary.

When all was said and done, I effected change on everyone around me.  And they, too, effected change within me.  I effected a change for a missionary by sending him a letter in response to a question he posed to me.  I effected a change in my household, in that I cleaned it. (I was gone for 1 1/2 weeks, leaving the care of the household to my husband.  Need I say more?)  I did things with purpose yesterday.  It was wonderful.  I hope I effected positive change in others.  I know this effected positive change in me. 

Effect.  Powerful word. 

Exist, Employ

exist

EXIST', v.i. egzist'. [L. existo; ex and sisto, or more directly from Gr. to set, place or fix; L. sto, to stand. The primary sense is to set, fix or be fixed, whence the sense of permanence, continuance.]

1. To be; to have an essence or real being; applicable to matter or body, and to spiritual substances. A supreme being and first cause of all other beings must have existed from eternity, for no being can have created himself.

2. To live; to have life or animation. Men cannot exist in water, nor fishes on land.

3. To remain; to endure; to continue in being. How long shall national enmities exist?

This was my e-word yesterday.  Exist.  It wasn't as easy of a word as I thought it would be.  The C-words revealed things in me; strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.  But that's all they did.  They just showed me my true character, instilled in me a desire to be better.   

Okay, the difference I'm seeing between the C-words and the E-words are quite startling.  With the C-words I could just explore and feel them.  With the E-words, I actually have to initiate DOING something.  C-words were adjectives, describing things; but the E-words are verbs and actually require movement, effort.  Effort (another e-word, by the way) makes me tired.  Sigh.

That being said, I found it hard to just "exist" yesterday.  I made a concerted effort to simply void myself of reaction and just "be".  It was weird, but I learned a lot.  I actually almost pulled it off.  Simply existing was hard work.  I had to be able to engage with people without actually drawing attention to myself, I decided.  What this revealed to me was that, IF I'm going to engage with someone, I like to be the center of attention, to offer to them what I feel valuable in myself that I believe could do both them and myself good.  I don't think this is selfish or egocentric.  This can be a good thing, depending on the motivation attached to it.  Ok, that was very difficult to do. If they engaged with me, I had to keep an emotional distance, or I would disconnect with the word "exist".  This is very difficult to explain. 

Another thing this revealed to me is that, to feel like I was simply existing, it was really easy to "go with the flow".  I made no major decisions, as that would put me into "reaction mode".  So it was VERY easy to just turn hither and thither and be pushed along with the current.  Though it took out any concern or worry for me, as I was jumping into the full experience of this word, it also alarmed me at how will-less I was while doing it.  My will had to be taken out of the equation (also an e-word) or I would lose my connection to the word.  It was so strange....and disconcerting.  

Huh.  I thought about being an intelligence before we were given a spirit tabernacle.  We "existed" then and could think, but it seems to me that that was about it.  As much as I don't like my physical body, as much as it causes me pain or discomfort, as much as it seems to think of its own accord and not counsel with me, I came to realize something.  This experience I had with the word "exist" showed me that a heavy, tedious body gives me FREEDOM.  Freedom to move and act, to take my existence into an understanding that I can change the things around me.  This body, however cumbersome, has given me mobility, movement, creative abilities.  It gives me freedom to put thought into deed, to make ideas realities.  Existence isn't enough for me.  I want to LIVE.  Living creates effect.  (Another e-word:)  What effect can I have?  Simply existing was confining and, well....boring.  I could observe, but do nothing about it without disconnecting from "exist".  It was one of the most bizarre things I've ever experienced.  

These words are quite remarkable.  Every day is different, and I never know where they're going to lead, what thoughts and feelings they're going to dig up.  How will the e-words "effect" my existence?  The next 29 days will be telling, indeed.  

employ

EMPLOY', v.t. [L. plico.]

1. To occupy the time, attention and labor of; to keep busy, or at work; to use. We employ our hands in labor; we employ our heads or faculties in study or thought; the attention is employed, when the mind is fixed or occupied upon an object; we employ time, when we devote it to an object. A portion of time should be daily employed in reading the scriptures, meditation and prayer; a great portion of life is employed to little profit or to very bad purposes.

2. To use as an instrument or means. We employ pens in writing, and arithmetic in keeping accounts. We employ medicines in curing diseases.

3. To use as materials in forming any thing. We employ timber, stones or bricks, in building; we employ wool, linen and cotton, in making cloth.

4. To engage in one's service; to use as an agent or substitute in transacting business; to commission and entrust with the management of one's affairs. The president employed an envoy to negotiate a treaty. Kings and States employ embassadors at foreign courts.

5. To occupy; to use; to apply or devote to an object; to pass in business; as, to employ time; to employ an hour, a day or a week; to employ one's life.

This one was a little easier for me today.  Again, e-words require DOING something.   I employed my car today to get me to church.  I employed my ears to hear testimonies given today.  I employed the kitchen, pots and pans, utensils, to make a meal for my children and friends.

I was looking forward to spending the day employing the Bible and my eyes to read it all day.  I LOVE studying the scriptures, looking for new discoveries, things I didn't know before.  And I got interrupted.  Doesn't anybody else do anything to keep the Sabbath day holy?  Is coming over to see me part of that endeavor?  All of the sudden, I had to play hostess.  I had to disengage from what I had made goals to employ, and be "on" for visitors.  Not just one visitor, but a whole bunch.  They flocked here, it seemed.  It was downright bizarre.  As I felt increasingly annoyed and frustrated, I had to "employ" patience and longsuffering, brotherly kindness and charity (such as I had.  I am quite deficit in many of those.)

So that was an eye-opener to me.  Sometimes I sit and try to BE patient, longsuffering, kind and loving.  Today I realized how dumb that is.  Waiting around for those traits through meditation and prayer and stuff is all noble and admirable.  But I think they must be "employed", relied on to effect a change.  I had to use them like tools.  Did that ever cause a SERIOUS  paradigm shift for me!  They're tools that, once employed enough, wielded enough, actually effect change in the employer.  Permanent change.  I am an employer.
I think I will try to employ those virtues more tomorrow and on and on.  I can devote more attention to them that way.  Does that make it easier, or what?!?

Huh.  Who knew?

Execute

EXECUTE

1. Literally, to follow out or through. Hence, to perform; to do; to effect; to carry into complete effect; to complete; to finish. We execute a purpose, a plan, design or scheme; we execute a work undertaken, that is, we pursue it to the end.

2. To perform; to inflict; as, to execute judgment or vengeance.

3. To carry into effect; as, to execute law or justice.

4. To carry into effect the law, or the judgment or sentence on a person; to inflict capital punishment on; to put to death; as, to execute a traitor.

5. To kill.

6. To complete, as a legal instrument; to perform what is required to give validity to a writing, as by signing and sealing; as, to execute a deed or lease.EX'ECUTE, v.i. To perform the proper office; to produce an effect.



Okay, this isn't one of the 30 E-words.  It's actually in the introduction to the e-words, but must be understood before I start.  So I looked it up and posted it.  EXECUTE.  I will choose, for the moment, to ignore #5's meaning.  All the others, except 1/2 of #4 are doable.  Maybe #2 isn't so hot, either.  All the rest, though, are acceptable.  Right?  So, I am looking at this word and committing it to memory, even if it's only my short-term memory. Hehe.  This is necessary to know in order to do the others.  So, technically, I guess there are at least 31 words in this section.  Sssshhhhhh.  Don't tell.  It would just sound weird to call this the 91-Day CEO.  

cultivated

CULTIVATED, pp. Tilled; improved in excellence or condition; corrected and enlarged; cherished; meliorated; civilized; produced by tillage.



This was the final word for my C's.  I'm actually emotional today thinking of it.  I thought it was a great word to end with for my first 30 days.

I want so many things.  I want to improve in excellence or condition.  I believe these words are helping me to do exactly that.  I am a different person today than when I started 30 days ago.  

I have grown up in farming communities and lived in a few of them as a wife and mother.  I prefer those communities over urban areas.  For years I have watched farmers till the ground, preparing to plant their crops, be it corn, wheat, barley, potatoes, sugar beets, alfalfa, mint, carrot seed, or a simple garden, etc.  I have seen a variety of crops grown throughout my life.  Interestingly, though the seeds planted were all different, the process for preparing the ground was pretty much the same.  The care taken, the exactness of which the rows were made and planted....the process is essentially the same for nearly every crop. 

The ground has to be prepared, or nothing but wild weeds will grow, if even that.

I feel that these words are preparing me to be something.  I am not a corn kernel, or a barley seed.  I don't know what I am yet.  Yes, I'm a human being.  I get that.  Like, duh.  But I've been looking around at other human beings, and I'm not sure I want to be like that.  I know that people can be kind.  I have met many kind people in my life.  I know that human beings can be smart.  I've met many of those, as well. But even smart people can be mean.  I am smart, and I have a mean streak in me that I'm trying so hard to overcome.  The C-words have helped me progress in that endeavor.

I want to be more than a human being.  I don't think being a human being is enough.  Not for me, anyway.  I want to be more than human.  I want to be divine. I don't often see the divine in human beings.


I feel that the C-words helped me prepare the ground so I can be planted and  developed now.  It certainly revealed the type of soil I'm made up of.  Part of "cultivated" means to till.  Ever watched someone plow or till?  It digs things up, brings things to the surface, bringing to the visible eye things that were hidden in the ground.  It is complete and total upheaval.  It is necessary, or the seeds planted will not grow. 

The C-words dug stuff up for me, and brought them into awareness, things that I was not aware of before.  This first 30 days showed me on a much deeper level my true character.  I learned that I am a pretty decent human being, but again, that's not enough for me.  I want more. 

What will my fruit be?  What kind of seed will I produce someday?  What will I truly be when I really grow up? 

This is quite the adventure, these words.  I never know what they'll reveal or produce in me.  They almost always surprise me; some good surprises, some disappointing surprises.  But they're doing their job. 

Who knew?  I have concluded one major thing with this program.  Words are perhaps the most powerful things on Earth.  Even more powerful than the people who use them.  Wow. 

Collected, Colorful

collected

COLLECTED, pp.

1. Gathered; assembled; congregated; drawn together.

2. Recovered from surprise or dismay; not disconcerted; cool; firm; prepared.

 

 

I am 2 days behind, as I am travelling and had no access to the Internet last night.  Sorry about that.  However, I was no less aware of my words over the last 2 days.  

 

Collected.  Yesterday was an interesting day for me, in that I made a decision as I got ready for the day, to just let the day happen.  Keep in mind that I am not the kind of person to just go with the flow.  I am a planner. I make lists.  I like making lists.  Lists are fun.  Planning is enjoyable for me.  So, when I say that I made a decision to just let the day happen, well, that was a high-risk choice for me, especially since the word "collected" has had a bit of a "controlled" feel to me.   

 

Boy, was I off on that.  Why do I have such control issues?  This word isn't about control at all.  It's about inviting, about fellowship, about oneness.  By making the decision to just let the day happen, it opened up more opportunity for truly enjoying people, not for what they had to offer, but simply because they are who and what they are.  

 

I gathered 2 of my closest friends together.  I collected them.  I brought them together.  I was firm and prepared to stick to my decision to just "be" with them and see where the day led us.  We laughed, we solved the world's problems, we pigged out on salad (can one pig out on salad? Is salad a pig out food?), we spoke of lofty and heavenly things, expressed love to one another, drove around and wasted gasoline, went and spent money, watched one of our friends open her birthday present, tried to go to the movie, but got the time wrong, etc.  It was a blast. We gathered feelings of good will.  We were drawn together by a force of fellowship and love.  It was a beautiful day.  And even though we missed the movie, I was not dismayed or disconcerted.  I loved every minute of time I had with my friends.  

 

I don't think "collected" means to be prim and proper.  I actually think it is a word of ease, a word that ALLOWS us to gather together, to draw together, to be firm, cool, prepared for whatever the day may throw at us.  Had I made a list, created an agenda for myself yesterday, if anything had interfered with it I would have been dismayed, disconcerted.  

 

I'm not saying that we shouldn't have a plan, but perhaps it would be easier to not be taken by surprise if we were prepared for anything to happen, prepared for surprises.  

 

I REALLY liked this word.  Collected.  It helped me stay focused on gathering my thoughts.  I think I enjoyed being collected today.

 

 

 

 

 

col·or·ful  (klr-fl)

adj.

1. Full of color; abounding in colors: colorful leaves in the fall.

2. Characterized by rich variety; vividly distinctive: colorful language.

 

 

 

Full of color.  I was looking for colors today.  I was looking for green leaves and grass, the yellow of the sun, the red hues in the sunset, the browns in the soil.  Well, I'm in blackfoot.  Not a lot of green trees where I'm staying.  Lots of dusty weird-colored Russian Olive trees.  Lots of brown grass, considering we're in a drought.  And the sky was overcast most of the day, so the yellow and brightness of the sun was obscured.  I was disappointed.  The places I expected to find color, I found very little.  

 

When am I going to learn that I can't MAKE these words happen to my own understanding?  The words have a life of their own.  Why do I continually try to shape them to what I think they should be?  Like, duh!  

 

I am beginning to realize that if I simply look for what the word is trying to tell me, I get much more out of it, it is easier to connect to.  

 

Colors are adjectives, always describing something.  Today I was orange.  Or at least my shirt was.  But the shirt was on me, making me appear to be orange to the naked eye.  But my pants were blue.  So that made me orange and blue today.  Today I was orange and blue!  Jennifer was yellow.  She wears yellow well.  Little Eva is blonde.  I didn't notice her clothing today, as she changed over three times into something new each time, but I did notice her beautiful California blonde hair.  Today, Eva's I.D. in my mind was blonde.  Plaited blonde. 

 

It is so hot here, over 100 degrees.  Everyone here is flushed and glistening with sweat.  I think that I will name 2 more colors.  Flushed.  Glistening.  Faces held a heat-induced flush and their skin glistened with sweat.  It was quite attractive on most of us. Even me.  It was color.  Our cheeks and faces were full of color.  Colorful.   

Color brings things to life.  Being void of color indicates something is dead.  Color has luster.  Death erases luster.  

I could actually HEAR color today.  Even my ears were full of color.  Vibrant sounds abounded.  I could hear crickets, locusts, cicadas.  I could see vibrancy in all around me today.  

I would say that colorful could go hand in hand with contrast.  My orange shirt is quite bright.  I'm certain blind people could see me coming with a shirt like that.  Bright enough to penetrate even the most unseeing eyes.  Yep, it was one of THOSE orange shirts.  Make the blind see, or the seeing blind.  Quite loud.  In contrast, Jennifer's soft yellow shirt had a more calming effect than my hunter safety shirt.  And yet both were noticeable, both briefly enhanced our identity for the day.  

I'm glad I'm learning to let these words speak for themselves instead of me having to arrogantly try to make them fit into my own understanding.  I like that phrase...Let the words talk.  "Colorful" talks.  I like it's language.  Vibrant. Alive.  Color means that I'm alive.  I live.  I am colorful.

calm

CALM, a.

1. Still; quiet; being at rest; as the air. Hence not stormy or tempestuous; as a calm day.

2. Undisturbed; not agitated; as a calm sea.

3. Undisturbed by passion; not agitated or excited; quiet; tranquil; as the mind, temper, or attention.

Wow, I am really struggling with some of these words.  I have been calm today, but there were times when I was not.  When he didn't get what he wanted, my 14-year-old son resorted to name-calling and confrontation, even trying to turn the other children against me.  Inside I was not calm.  Not even a little.  Inside I begin to shake with post traumatic stress syndrome bubbling up from past abuse.  Inside, he scares me.  But I am training myself to be calm on the outside, at least, even pleasant.  It is not easy, and always leaves me drained and listless.  Today was a good day to come back to Blackfoot.  I will have almost 2 weeks to let him simmer down before I get to return home, as business efforts must keep me away from home for now.  We'll see if he chooses to do it.  Maybe when I get back he won't be so punishing.  Triumphantly, however, I was calm on the outside today, my passions bridled, my face smiling and tranquil, my words pleasant and truthful. 

 

Usually, when I'm packing for these trips, I get a little anxious, often a bit testy with the kids.  Today, not so.  I kept calm.   We were even late leaving and didn't arrive here until 1am, but I remained undisturbed.  I pulled it off.  I actually did it.  

My husband and I had to make a choice as to which car I should bring, as each one has different issues that could possibly compromise the safety and effectiveness of my trip.  This time, I felt completely calm on the inside as well as the outside.  I was at peace, having a perfect confidence in God that He would arrange for all to be well.  This trip will go smoothly.  The clutch on the car will not have issues that cannot be easily dealt with. I am at complete peace on this matter, undisturbed, softly smiling at the surety of well-being that, because I feel it so profoundly, will actually be.  I know it with a calm assurance and firmness.  Of this I'm certain. 

I calmly accept this as fact. 

considerate

CONSIDERATE, a. [L. See Consider.]

1. Given to consideration, or to sober reflection; thoughtful; hence, serious; circumspect; careful; discreet; prudent; not hasty or rash; not negligent.

2. Having respect to; regardful; as, considerate of praise. [Little used.]

3. Moderate; not rigorous.

 

Interesting that not one of these definitions give any indication of being considerate of others.  

 

That's what I was looking for all day today.  I was considerate of others, but it was a struggle. With these words, until I know the full meaning and definition, it's a struggle to have an experience with the word if I lean to my own understanding of the word.  I actually like to look up the definition at the end of the day because of the surprise it gives me when I'm way off.  Kinda fun.  

I have been having many thoughts today, as I've considered the difficulties between me and my 14-year-old son.  We've had our challenges today.  And yesterday.  Sigh.  But I've been considering a few things, one of which is how, when we have a little bit of a hard time, we tend to get more serious about the things in life. 

 

I've been reviewing some things, looking at outcomes in our family based on what we do, how we interact with each other.  Interesting findings.  This program is helping reveal many of my flaws and weaknesses.  I am grateful.  I have been "considerate" of this word and it is uncovering some things deep within me.  Wow.  Much to think about.  Much to change.  Bigtime.