Captivating, Communicative

Captivating:

1. Taking prisoner; engaging the affections.

2. a. Having power to engage the affections.

---

This program is full of discoveries about myself.  I have discovered---again---that monthly hormones turn me into sludge.  Nothing captivating about sludge.  I have not been captivating.  I was bemoaning this sad fact out in the flower garden, swinging on the garden swing, spending a precious few moments alone, and pondering this word, feeling absolutely miserable, listless, lethargic, well, you get the picture.  Whine, whine, whine, whine....shall I go on? 

As I was gently swinging, I looked down and saw a rolypoly laboriously make his way across a decorative brick.  I remembered playing with them when I was a young girl, handling them, trying to get them to curl into a protective ball by agitating them.  I smiled at the memory and continued to watch the bug.  Then I saw a daddy long leg cross the same brick with what probably seemed like leaps and bounds compared to the rolypoly.  And then ants, skittering around on the hunt for food to feed the colony.  Then I  heard a mosquito buzz in my ear, a bee hum in the flowers all around me. 

Of f in the distance, my sister's cat was climbing a tree, harassing a nest, the mama bird squawking in a threatened panic.  There were birds everywhere, the flowers in full bloom, a soft breeze, leaves rustling in the trees, my 8-year-old son and niece around the corner laughing and squealing in delight on the trampoline. 

I was taken prisoner, completely captive in affections for all the things around me.  In a flood of emotion and gratitude, I knew I was the one held captive.  This was not what I was expecting from that word at all, yet it created something more poignant and captivating than I could ever be on my own.  In that one moment I was happy to be sludge, as long as I could be such whilst completely in the spell of the wonder about me.  For that moment I was a happy captive. 

My 5-year-old niece came bursting into the garden and broke the moment, but it lingers still in my heart.  Makes me smile.  And even now, a day later, it still holds me captive when I think on it.  What a beautiful word.  What a beautiful manifestation of that word. 






COMMUNICATIVE, a.

1. Inclined to communicate; ready to impart to others. In the sense of liberal of benefits, though legitimate, it is little used.

2. Disposed to impart or disclose, as knowledge, opinions, or facts; free to communicate; not reserved.

We have paid for our want of prudence, and determine for the future to be less communicative.

 

 

Communicative.....hmm.  I don't know how to approach this word.  Still feeling like sludge, so my communication has been limited today.  I had two wonderful opportunities to impart or disclose knowledge and opinions with my daughter and my 15-year-old son.  And I believe I communicated well.  

 

I also had an opportunity to impart what I thought were words of wisdom to my son with mental illness.  Ever had one of those days where it would just be in the greatest of wisdom to simply  tape your mouth shut?  This particular  instance spun out of control so quickly, I had to walk away.  It took me nearly 2 hours to calm down.  Granted, none of my agitation showed on the inside.  I kept all feelings contained.  Even my body language.  He has no idea I was so upset.  That's largely in due to this program and what I'm learning about myself.  Even though I am very weak in communicating with those with mental illness, I am learning how to control myself better.  Still, communication with him is nearly impossible.  I don't even know why I bother.  

 

I've even thought of setting up a clicker system with him.  1 click for "no", 2 clicks for "yes", and a serious of clicks for "I love you, but I better leave before I do something I regret."  This is the simplest form of communication I can think of.  Even dogs respond to it.  Think my 14-year-old would respond?  Probably not. That would be too easy.  Sigh.  I wish he could know that I'm trying to tell him I love him.  He doesn't understand my language, and I'm having such a difficult time learning his.  Communication isn't as easy as I thought.  I've always felt I was quite good at communicating, especially considering my love of words.  But with him......

 

A very enlightening word.  Revealed a lot about myself.

 

 

 

curious

CURIOUS, a. [L., care. See Cure.]

1. Strongly desirous to see what is novel, or to discover what is unknown; solicitous to see or to know; inquisitive.

2. Habitually inquisitive; addicted to research or enquiry; as a man of a curious turn of mind; sometimes followed by after, and sometimes by of.

3. Accurate; careful not to mistake; solicitous to be correct.

4. Careful; nice; solicitous in selection; difficult to please.

5. Nice; exact; subtile; made with care.

 6. Artful; nicely diligent.

7. Wrought with care and art; elegant; neat; finished; as a curious girdle; curious work Exodus 28 and 30.

8. Requiring care and nicety; as curious arts. Acts 19.

9. Rigid; severe; particular. [Little used.]

 10. Rare; singular; a a curious fact.


Interesting definitions!  I only related my own understanding to 2 or 3 of these definition, but never would have supposed the other definitions.  Rigid?  Severe?  Particular?  Careful?  Accurate?  You've got to be kidding!  I would never have gone there.  

However, that being said, I'm reviewing my day and seeing where I've done any of this.  I am certainly inquisitive, truly addicted to  research and to discover what is unknown.  

I went to the temple today and couldn't soak up enough information.  Sometimes I get frustrated with what I want to know, but have to wait to find out.  Sigh.  Still, I learned a lot and am grateful for a broadening understanding of what God wants me to do about it. 

They say that "curiosity killed the cat", portraying being curious as a bad thing.  Curiosity comes with its risks, of course, but without it nothing would get done or discovered in this world.   Inquisitive.  Hmmm.  I have recently had the opportunity to teach some learning skills to a friend of mine.  He was particularly excited when I showed him a technique in asking questions.  "The question is in the answers", I said.  As he started asking questions of everything he was seeing, he got very excited about it.  Asking the right questions opens us up to a whole new world of awareness.  Being inquisitive.  

I am curious.  I want to know things.  Sometimes I feel that if I don't learn certain things, I'll literally burst.  My personality requires it.  I like being curious.  Being curious makes me feel alive, vibrant.  I like this word a tremendous amount.  I'm curious as to what tomorrow will bring. 



 
   

content

CONTENT, a. [L., to be held; to hold.] Literally, held, contained within limits; hence, quiet; not disturbed; having a mind at peace; easy; satisfied, so as not to repine, object, or oppose.


Huh?  NOT the definition I was expecting!  This Latin word was unexpected.  I've been pondering it all day, wondering how it could apply.  I was thinking of it in the noun sense, not the adjective sense; and all the c-words are adjectives.  This word was a surprise to me. 

Held.  Contained within limits.  Well, let's see.  I wasn't contained within limits much today.  I was limited with how far I could go, in that I was shy on gasoline or the money to replenish it today.  So I guess I was contained within the limits of my gasoline budget.  Hmmm.

The rest of it made more sense to me. "...quiet: not disturbed: having a mind at peace; easy; satisfied, so as not to repine, object. or oppose." 

This was more in line of what I was thinking today.  Mostly to be satisfied and have my mind at peace.  I worked hard on it all day.  It was a choice for me, not just something that I simply allowed to happen today, unlike some of the other words.  So, that being said, perhaps the first part of that  definition "...held, contained within limits..." wasn't so far off anyway.  I had plenty of opportunities to be upset today.  We have an adopted son with mental illness and fetal alcohol syndrome, which makes him very selfish and demanding, making it incredibly difficult for him to have a moral compass, to choose right from wrong, even though he understands right and wrong.  He just doesn't care about anything but getting what he wants.  He has tried to push my buttons several times today, but I "held" my peace.  I decided to NOT be disturbed, to keep not only my bad reactions in check, or contained, but to allow my good feelings to put a genuine smile on my face.  I was under control, contained within limits.  He responded well to that, and the both of us are at peace for the time being. 

I also had the opportunity to laugh hysterically tonight, as well.  Even that I "contained within limits".  I was satisfied with the  genuine laughter that still made my eyes water, but didn't go overboard. 

I am very excited at some of the business prospects that are coming into view, but even held that peacefully.  I opposed no one today.  I objected to nothing today.  I was easy to be with, it was easy for me to be with others. I chose to be "content" with all that came along today, satisfied----with a sincere smile on my face.  I actually was at peace all day today. 

I am learning to be happy with what I have; to be at peace with all that is around me....for today, at least.   I think, just for a moment, I felt something within myself that I've always wanted:  True graciousness.  I've always wanted to be gracious, and this word helped give me a taste of it for a brief moment.  It was heavenly.

Know how many times in my life I've tried to accomplish just one day like today?  I've lost count, perhaps even given up on trying anymore.  But I'd never attached a word to it, just tried to randomly pull it off.  The power of focusing on that one word today accomplished for me what I was beginning to believe was impossible.  And it was almost EASY.  Wow.  Who'd have thunk?  I am very content with this word. 

comely

COMELY, a.

1. Properly, becoming; suitable: whence, handsome; graceful. Applied to person or form, it denotes symmetry or due proportion, but it expresses less than beautiful or elegant.

I have seen a son of Jesse--comely person. 1 Sam. 16.

I will not conceal his comely proportion. Job 41.

2. Decent; suitable; proper; becoming; suited to time, place, circumstances or persons.

Praise is comely for the upright. Ps. 33.

It is comely that a woman pray to God uncovered? 1 Cor. 11.

O what a world is this, when what is comely envenoms him that bears it.COMELY, adv. Handsomely; gracefully.


Um, I don't even have an inkling as to how to describe my day today.  Not a clue.  Nothing truly extraordinary happened.  Nothing of worldly notability.  I can't say that anything around me changed.  So why was today so....poignant(?)....for me?  

Ever had one of those days where you wake up and you know something significant has changed within you?  A day when you don't know when or why something changed, you just know it did?  Perhaps it had to do with the c-word yesterday---  "Changeable" --- and my statement that I was going to change.  I am coming to believe wholeheartedly that connecting with these words actually bring them into being in everyday life.  They actually happen.  Perhaps that is exactly what happened to me today.  

The day felt different for me from the moment I got up.  I looked at my new word today, "comely", and felt something inside me smile wisely, pleased.  I immediately felt connected to this word.  It wasn't something I felt on the outside.  I do not feel attractive or handsome, or all that proper.  I don't feel beautiful to the world in any way.  Just the opposite, in fact.  

Surprisingly, I am starting to feel all that on the inside, believe it or not.  It's like a lightbulb went on inside of me and all of the sudden I just seem to "get" things.  There are some things I've wondered all my life, and today a couple of those wonderings were resolved, as all of the sudden I just understood.  Several "aha" moments today, where gears shifted and ideas clicked into place and wheels turned and I felt suddenly enlightened.  Is this making any sense?  

Though I don't look it on the outside, inside I feel comely.  There is a quiet calm within, despite the many opportunities I've had today to be annoyed, irritated, insulted and downright justifiably angry.  But I didn't do any of those things today.  Instead, I felt an interesting feeling I don't think I've ever felt before.  I felt accepting of just about everything today.  Today I felt "suited to time, place, circumstance, or persons."  I don't think there's any way to portray that from one person to another without both parties experiencing it.  

I still feel it.  Even though I didn't meet the midnight deadline on having this word recorded on June 25, that it's going to show up on June 26 and look like I skipped a day, when I really didn't, I just didn't go to bed until almost 2am, is all, I still feel it.  It feels.....really good.  Sad things have happened to me today.  Mean things have happened to me today.  Unfair things.  Some really good things happened to me today, too.  And ya know what?  They're all okay.  I didn't cry when I was sad.  I didn't get angry when I was frustrated.  I didn't fly off the handle when I was treated unfairly.  I stayed in grace in all of these things.  Wow.  That's a first.  

I hope it's not going to be the last.  "Comely".  What an awesome word.

 

 

Changeable

June 24, 2013
c-word: changeable

"Susceptibility of change, or alteration"


Okay, this is the scoop on me and this word.  I need to change.  Plain and simple.  If there's anything these words have taught me, it is that I can be better.  I can be more powerful.  I can be more gracious.  I can be truly majestic in all that is right and good.  

So this word is particularly important to me today.  I can change.  I MUST change, or I will never be what I feel I can be, what I know is lying within me, just waiting to explode into an immense power of light and goodness.  It's in there.  I have felt it for years.  

I am overweight and I hate it.  It has caused health problems, and any stress, be it positive or negative, sets those problems off, causing a lot of pain and sludginess.  It is not majestic in all that is right and good.  

I'm in there somewhere.  I feel me in there.  I know I'm in there somewhere.  These words are helping me break free.  Enough of this false me, I say!  Enough.  I am ready to change, I am changeable.  I am ready to be altered, to emerge.  I am ready for the real me to come forth.  

I also know I am a better person that what I've portrayed to myself and others.  I don't have to be grumpy.  I don't have to feel yucky.  I don't have to not like my life.  I don't have to be depressed, oppressed, sad, lonely, or any feeling that I might be feeling.  I don't have to repeat the same patterns I've always repeated.  

Enough! As of right now, I am changeable.  

What a powerful word!  What a blessing this program is for me!  Not only CAN I change, but I now believe I WILL change.   

I am changeable.

Classic

Classic:
-Belonging to the first or the highest rank
-Approved as a model
-Of lasting significance
-Adhering to standard and authoratative principles and form
-Balanced
-Formal
-Austere
-Recognized as a standard of excellence


Wowser!  Classic did not mean what I thought it meant.  I thought about this word all day, trying to fit it into my definition of what I thought it was.  Couldn't do it.  I'm glad I was incorrect in my definition, because I just couldn't grasp or connect to this word, otherwise.  But NOW.....well, now it's clearer.

I was a model to my children today--whether or not it was a good example, it's hard to say, as I was down most of the day with serious aches and pains and a migraine headache.  

I think the definition that really hit me with this word was "Of lasting significance".  Things are very black and white to me.  Almost no gray in the middle.  It is either right or wrong, good or bad.  My standards with general behavior are pretty high, and I've worked very hard to pass that along to my children.  When it comes to this type of thing, I am rather "classic".  Still, is it sinking into my children's heads?  Their hearts?  Have I taught them anything "of lasting significance"?  Am I learning anything of lasting significance?  Am I, myself, something of lasting significance?  I would like to be.  These words certainly make you think, that's for certain!

I tend to be austere. And rather formal.  Got that down pat.  But I tend to self-defeat, which would not indicate reaching high standards of excellence.  Sometimes I peter out, getting sloppy at the end of a project, or lazy with long-term goals.  That's why I like this program, as the blogging is something that, in order to do the program right, I have to be consistent and not poop out.  Blogging is teaching me discipline.  

That's another characteristic I believe falls under "classic".  Discipline.  From the definition above, I am certainly now of the opinion that being "classic" requires discipline.  And perseverence.  If you're going to run a race, finish the race.  If you're going to set a goal, meet the goal.  If I'm going to do this 90-day program, see it through to the glorious finish.  Classic!  

Interestingly enough, these words--though some of them BLATANTLY show me my weaknesses---never leave me feeling unworthy or bad.  I've been guilt-motivated my whole life, so that statement is really sayin' something.  I don't feel guilt for not be completely saturated in the perfection of each of these words.  I feel thoughtful, as I'm beginning to see myself for what I am more and more.  I thought I knew me.  The more I do this program, the more I realize I didn't know myself at all.  Getting re-acquainted with myself is quite pleasant.  I'm truly beginning to like me more and more.  What a concept!  :):):):)
 

Charismatic

 Saturday, June 22, 2013
C-word: Charismatic


Charismatic: adjective
Charisma: noun
Greek, favor, gift, from charizesthai to favor, from charis grace; akin to Greek chairein to rejoice 


This was an interesting day.  I've been thinking about this word.  I am learning through this whole program and the c-words that I can literally think these words into happening.  Weird!  But real, nonetheless.  It is getting to be an almost surreal experience with these words.  It seems that once I actually connect with a word, it literally brings it into being in my life---usually without even trying.  

So....charismatic.  I've never thought of myself as much of a charismatic person.  I looked up this word and found where the word came from, which I recorded above.  Favor; gift; grace; rejoice.  Wow.  Pretty powerful stuff.  

I've come to the point with these words that just thinking about them brings actual experience with them.  I loved the root meanings of this word, as they're attributes I strive to obtain.  I seldom succeed, but I believe I'm picking up the pace on that one.  It's slow, but it's comin' along.  

So I decided I would just go with the flow on this word.  I've said it out loud several times today.  Unlike being "charming", which is a manipulative and sometimes selfish word, as it pushes ourselves on others, "charismatic" actually draws people in!  People actually WANT to be around truly charismatic individuals.  

So, going with the flow, I came in contact with several people today, at least one of which is a really bothersome, rather dysfunctional individual.  Very needy.  Again, I just went with the flow---and ended up having quite a nice talk with her.  It was pleasant!

Same at Jo's house.  Charisma, I believe, is in all of us.  It is my opinion that we're all born with charisma, but it is trained out of us by society and the insecurities which drive people away are trained in.  That''s my opinion, however true that may or may not be.  I certainly believe it, though I don't know if that's an absolute truth.  For now, that's been my experience.  

I've had little kids that don't normally give me the time of day come and sit peacefully on my lap today.  Just because they felt like it.  Weird, huh?  My husband was drawn to me, wanted to be around me.  My teenage son, who usually has better things to do than talk to his old fuddy-duddy mom, WANTED to spend time with me tonight.  I KNOW, right?

This is what I meant when I realized that being "charismatic" actually means you're drawing people in!  This is really quite remarkable and means a lot to me.  These words have power---each and every one of them.  Today I saw the power of the word "charismatic".   It was quite a privilege to connect with this word.   

That's what I'm learning:  connecting with the word brings it into being.  For real.  The secret, then, is to connect to it.  The rest just falls into place.  This program is a blast of experiences and information!  I am not only improving my vocabulary, but I'm actually EXPERIENCING stuff!  And I'm learning tons about myself and the people around me.  What a great program!