June 18, 2013
c-word:  confident

Well, I am a day behind.  I really don't like being behind, but it couldn't be helped.  Again, I wrote in my journal, but didn't get it on the blog.  So, technically, this doesn't count as a fail, right? 

Anyhow, my c-word was "confident".  Um....I got a serious dose of humility with this one. 

Okay, here's the skinny on this:  I'm starting up a new business.  I know I'm supposed to do it.  I believe I can do it.  The problem:  I don't know what I'm doing.  (Shocker!  I KNOW, right?)

I'm in the middle of field testing a specific product.  It's not only doing well, it's doing EXTREMELY well.  So well, in fact, that it took me by surprise and I had to do a double-take. There was one defining moment in my thought process that came to the forefront of my mind;  "This is going to be big."  Huge, in fact.  I knew it with a certainty that went to the core. 

Bigger than me, with is big, because I'm a 'larger-than-life' type of person, a force to be reckoned with.  All this time I've been putting my business plan together, gathering information, securing contracts, field testing, etc., I've been extremely confident in my abilities, confident that these are good products, that the principles and objectives are good, are clear.  I've been confident that not only will this business help people, but will change the very core of their souls into something absolutely wonderful, helping them be who they are divinely supposed to be.  My confidence has been off the scale solid in all this. 

But when I saw how huge this is going to be, I got scared.  Bigtime.  I don't know how to run a big company.  I know how to run my own little business from home, but a corporation?  A big, corporate, work-outside-the-home business?  Is this right for me?  Can I maintain motherhood AND do all this?  Granted, other than a late-arriving caboose in our family, most of my children are practically grown and are beginning to leave the nest, but still.....

The details!  They're running around in my brain until my head is pounding.  The company structure, the benefits, the liability insurance, the lawyers, the CPAs, rules, regulations, bylaws, mission statement, logo, website, details, details, details.  I am trying to not freak out.

Okay, I have to go back to what I know.  I know I'm supposed to do this.  I know the time is now.  I know I CAN do it, I just have to be smart about it.  I know it will work.  And I know that if I don't jump on it now, it'll never happen.  No one else will do it.  Just me, to start. 

I can focus on this right now and get the beginnings done.  That's all.  Just the beginnings.  We'll worry about the rest later.  Time to breathe.  Just breathe. 

I am confident I can get the beginnings done.  Yes, I can do that.  I am confident I can do that, then look to the next step.  Yes, I can do that confidently.  Very much so.  Whew!  I don't have to have a nervous breakdown, after all!