Catching Up (Cont'd) June 9 -- June 15

These C-words are amazing.  They're not all that easy to define and use, either.  They are ALL quite revealing when it comes to exposing my real self.  Interesting.... 

I'm still trying to catch up the blog on all my journal entries.  This should get me up to date, I'm hoping.



Sunday, June 9, 2013
C-word-----Compassionate

"Today was the Lord's Day.  After my big realization about my "contrite" personality flaw, this was rather poignant to me; as I worked very hard to be more contrite, especially as I partook of the Lord's Sacrament.  I hope I was more contrite today than yesterday.

I looked around all day for opportunities to be compassionate.  They abounded, so I thought.  Still, it felt a little off.   I decided to investigate the word more carefully.  The dictionary explained compassion to be akin to empathy, sympathy, pity.  That didn't feel right, for some reason.  So I turned to the scriptures.  Alma 27,  Nephi 17, and Christ's example in the New Testament as He healed both body and spirit ---and even mind, in some cases.  In ALL examples of compassion in the scriptures, a pattern emerged.  The feelings of sympathy were always followed by a service of some kind.

SYMPATHY + SERVICE = COMPASSION

For me, this was quite a discovery.  One is not feeling true compassion if one is not moved to ACT upon the feeling, to do an act of service, to help relieve a burden.

Times I have felt compassion:

-Saw orphans, felt compassion, adopted 3
-Have seen people sorrow, embraced them, listened to them.
-See hungry animals, feed them.
-My children need their mom, I spend time w/them
-My dad works too hard.  I send my kids to help him.
-Read of Christ, resolve to be worthy of Him.

Compassion is  ALWAYS followed by service.  Always."

Tomorrow's C-word-----"Coordinated"



Monday, June 10, 2013
C-word --- Coordinated

An opportune day for this word, as we are back in Blackfoor for a few days.  We left this afternoon. 

I coordinated the laundry so we could pack clean clothes, coordinated the meals we would eat while here, coordinated packing suitcases, packing the car, coordinated things at home so they will run smoothly while I'm away. 

I have determined that being coordinated is simply organizing matter.  Tuna fish and bread are matter; I simply coordinated them, brought the two elements together to make one thing.  I organized them into a sandwich.  The tuna and bread are now coordinated. 

There is much more to this word, but my eyelids won't stay open.  I am so very, very tired."

Tomorrow's c-word:   Constant


Tuesday, June 11, 2013
C-word:  Constant

Hmmm....I don't know why this word is affecting me so deeply.  Just seeing it written down caused a stir within.  How strange.

I've been thinking about this all day.  How am I "constant"?  What IS "constant", anyway?  It is never stopping; an unstopping, ever-flowing movement or state of being.  I know of some things I am "constant" in or about:  I am constant in my desire to see my God.  I am constant in my concerns about motherhood.  I am constant in my loyalty to my friends.  These things never stop.  Neither does my fatigue.  I am constantly tired.  I am not constant in going and going all day, for I stop regularly to rest.

I look and seek to be better constantly.  I am "constant" in this."

Tomorrow's C-word:  Connected



Wednesday, June 12, 2013
C-word:  Connected

"Connected:  Linking.  Entwined.  Fused together.  Touching.

Um, this is not a simple word.  How am I connected?  Am I connected to anything?

Well, I supposed I am connected to the ground, in the sense that gravity won't allow me to leave it.  I am connected through my body and emotions to my children; by giving birth to them, they are a part of me; by my heart because of my stewardship and responsibility towards them and....well, they're literally a part of me, of my very essence.  A part of me lives on in them.  I am connected by heart and body to Jim: by heart because I love him, by body because of sexual and emotional intimacy, and by body because of the children we have created together.

I am also opening up my mind to the possibility of being further connected to things and people by an unseen force, a string, shall we say, one end on me, the other end connected to another.  I believe that I can tighten the resistance of that string based on my faith, belief, desire, pulling it taut and brining that thing or person to me as I focus on it.

If this is true then there would be no such thing as coincidence or random happenstance.   Perhaps this type of "connectedness" is "connected" to the very powers of creation itself, in that if we dream it or focus on it, we can actually make it happen, bring it into being.

I wonder if this is the most divine of connections, this power to create....anything.  I would be a most sacred power.  Most sacred, indeed."

Tomorrow's c-word:  Consious



Thursday, June 13, 2013
C-word:  Conscious

"I spent all day at the courthouse in Pocatello for Alicia.  It was a tense and stressful experience.  I was "conscious' of so many things: how hard the benches are, how stark the halls of the courthouse.  I was "conscious" of Alicia's pain and stress.  I could actually FEEL her panic and fear.  She has had to represent herself in court, in a very precarious situation where her custody of the children are at stake, the result of an abusive ex-husband.  A lesser woman (like me) would have buckled and given up by now. I am presently acutely aware of her courage, her nobility in the forefront of my mind.  Very "conscious" of her and her situation.

While she was in the courtroom, several of her friends, including me, were there to support her.  We pretty much just hung around all day so she would be greeted by friendly faces whenever she emerged from the courtroom.  While waiting we felt to go across the street to the church there and pray.  One of our mutual friends prayed for her.  It was possibly the sweetest, humblest, downright poetic prayer I have ever heard.

I was deeply "conscious' of the feeling of love that united us all (there were at least 7 of us) in that moment.  I wept. 

The stress of the day was exhausting.  By the time we got home, I looked forward to blissful sleep.  "Un-conscious" was looking good.  What a remarkable day."

Tomorrow's word:  Careful


Friday, June 14, 2013
C-word: Careful

:Today was another all-day stint at the courthouse.  None of us wanted to be there, but none of us would have even entertained the thought of not being there to support Alicia.

I looked around at all who were there and was filled with emotion at how many people love her.  They all cared, were full of care: "Careful"

Normally, one would hear the word "careful" and think it would indicate "caution".  Today that didnt' apply.  I'm not sure it would ever apply to "caution", as that would indicate fear.  As I sat on the witness chair, trying to defend her with the truth, I was trying to be "careful" in my words, so as to help her case, not condemn it.  I did not want to be fearfully cautious, but deliberate and aware, yet bold in my statements.  I was not even a little afraid, surprisingly.  I was ready to defend of the greatest women I've ever been privileged to know.  I was full of care.

I wasn't the only one, either.  There were many there for her, so many showing her thier love and support.  We all could feel her pain almost as if it were our own.  We all sat out in the hall and wept for her.  There were nearly 20 of us there, crying together for her.  We were quite a sight. 

I wish this court case was over.

Tomorrow morning I drive back to Boise.  I must drive carefully --- again, not cautiously, but with care for the other drivers around me, concerned and caring for their welfare and safety as well as mine. 

Today I was genuinely full of care."

Tomorrow's c-word:  Centered



 Saturday, June 15, 2013
C-word:  Centered

"To be on an axis:,  "In the middle", "focused", "Centralized, with a focal point". 

Well, all those applied to me today" as well as applied to others I came in contact with. 

I came home to Boise from Blackfoot today.  It was a long trip.  I had to go into Idaho Falls first to pick up a friend who needed a ride home back to Boise. He likes to be the "center" of attention.  I suppose, in that context, he was centered.  Or perhaps I "centered" him by giving him that attention.  Hard to say. 

I feel that I am on an axis, standing on a fulcrum, at least, balancing Boise and Blackfoot, friends and family; personal, family, business, spiritual, home.  It's exhausting.  I am centered, but it feels precarious, as if at any moment I could tilt out of balance, removing myself from the center, having the whole thing topple down.  Is it too much?  Or am I selling myself short on what I can handle?  One of my weaknesses is my tendency to feel overwhelmed quickly.  Perhaps I am only feeling overwhelmed because I have decided to believe that's how I am.  Perhaps a different decision would change that, so that I don't HAVE to be overwhlmed.  It's entirely possible that I can decide to be NOT overwhlmed, have a "can-do" attitude, and eventually do it all---with ease, being "centered" in my abilities, thereby accomplishing the impossible.

Tomorrow's C-word:  Chosen