off the grid

Hello, bloggers!  This is a notification that I'm rushing to put in because I normally don't have internet where I'm at, presently.  I am traveling and my internet access is severely clipped.  So sorry.  However, I am still diligently working on e-words, it'll just take a while for me to catch up on each of them for you.  I will continue to have limited internet access for a couple of weeks.  I promise I'm not being negligent, I just don't have the internet proximity at the moment to stay caught up. 

Please be patient with me and don't get discouraged!  Keep investigating and learning to love your words.  Love you. 

Larry

emit

EMIT', v.t. [L. emitto; e and mitto, to send.]

1. To send forth; to throw or give out; as, fire emits heat and smoke; boiling water emits steam; the sun and moon emit light; animal bodies emit perspirable matter; putrescent substances emit offensive or noxious exhalations.

2. To let fly; to discharge; to dart or shoot; as, to emit an arrow. [Unusual.]

3. To issue forth, as an order or decree. [Unusual.]

4. To issue, as notes or bills of credit; to print, and send into circulation. The United States have once emitted treasury notes.

 

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I find this word puzzling.  How do you explain such a powerful word?  I emitted today.  I didn't stink with body odor or putrescent substances, thank goodness.  That's a bonus.  But I believe I emitted a feeling that originated from me.  Two people commented today that they felt different, better for being around me today.  Oh, make that three.  (One of them told someone how they felt around me and they passed on the information to me.)  In all 3 cases it effected a change in them.  Strange.  I never thought I was particularly noticeable to anyone, much less emitting a positive energy.  I'm so used to being overlooked, that it feels strange to be noticed---especially for something good.  I am obviously not comfortable acknowledging this emission of myself, or for accepting the praise.  I believe I need to get over that.  

 

I emitted love today to my daughter.  Just a follow-up on the issue we were having.....I lifted the sentence.  No, I did not "give in", so don't think I'm a whimp.  I spent some time on my knees and all day today pondering if I was doing more damage than good.  I called my daughter into my room and we knelt and prayed together so we would both understand how to approach this situation.  

 

You know what?  She said, "Mom, I made a decision to not be angry or resentful.  I trust that you know I needed the discipline. I will not be repeating this behavior again."  She then cried meek little tears.  She said, "I don't want to be the kind of girl who throws a fit whenever she doesn't get what she wants anymore."  The entire incident opened up a dialogue we'd never had before, and I was able to tell her I loved her.  She emitted such meekness and humility.  I was then able to truly emit a motherly love that she'd blocked before.  She felt my love.  I felt her sincerity.  So no, this was not giving in.  I lifted the sentencing from her because she had learned the lesson and decided to receive it with and in love.  MAJOR breakthrough today with her.  

 

You know what else?  I can actually feel emissions going from me.  Whether it's love or anger, carelessness or carefulness, smiles or frowns......I can actually FEEL them going forth from me.  My enthusiasm for knowledge is apparently catchy and people are receiving it happily.  Who knew?  

 

I wish I could take a couple of days and really get to know this word inside and out.  As it is, just with one day, I feel I am on the verge of discovering something seriously grand about this word; perhaps even more grand than what I've already experienced today.  

 

That's how I feel about all these words:  If  I were to meditate and ponder each word for 2 or 3 days, I think I'd actually have some "vision quest" experience with them, so powerful are they.  Words are powerful.  There is certainly more to this word than meets the eye.  What a fascinating journey this is!

 

 

Exact

EXACT', v.t. egzact'. [L. exigo, exactum. See the Adjective.]

1. To force or compel to pay or yield; to demand or require authoritatively; to extort by means of authority or without pity or justice. It is an offense for an officer to exact illegal or unreasonable fees. It is customary for conquerors to exact tribute or contributions from conquered countries.

2. To demand or right. Princes exact obedience of their subjects. The laws of God exact obedience from all men.

3. To demand of necessity; to enforce a yielding or compliance; or to enjoin with pressing urgency.

Duty,

EXACT', v.i. To practice extortion.

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Well, definition 1 and 2 don't really apply, I feel, as they are enforced, must use force to make it happen.
The 3rd definition is more in keeping with what I feel I should do:  "...to enjoin with pressing urgency."

THAT one is what I put into effect today.  I worked on my business quite a bit today, hashed out some details, things that I've been putting off because I've been overwhelmed by them.  But, because of my e-word today, it was easier to get down to brass tacks and make some progress with it.  It was highly productive, as I was able to pinpoint more exactly what needs to be done from here on out.  I exacted a result to enjoin with pressing urgency.  Cool. And a relief.  Now I can move past it and get even MORE done.  Yay!

I guess I also had to make a demand, exact some obedience from one of my children, so I suppose definition #2 might actually apply.   My 14-yr-old daughter took off this afternoon without telling anyone where she was going.  She didn't ask permission, didn't inform anyone as to her destination.  She had accepted a babysitting job without letting me know, and I had no idea where she was.  Moms panic in those situations.  I know that she's almost 15 and is beginning to assert some independence.  I respect that.   She is definitely growing into a young woman and is testing the boundaries of her maturity.  I get it.  And I understand it.  However, she's not an adult yet, hasn't yet earned the trust this kind of thing takes.  This is a situation that has repeated itself countless times and she just doesn't seem to get its importance.  How can we be good stewards over her if we don't know where she is?  Does she not know how dangerous that kind of behavior is?  Does she really think that she's smarter than those of us who are seasoned and wise? Does she not understand that defying true authority is a recipe for a miserable life later on?  Did I mention this type of behavior is dangerous in this scary world?  Like, duh! And what is it going to take for her to get it? Like I said, this has been going on for some time now, and she is heedless of the rule. 

Her birthday is Tuesday.  She had permission to go on a 3-day water park outing with a family she babysits for.  She was going to be gone Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  This WAS her birthday present.  I REALLY find this whole thing distasteful, but I had to pull the privilege from her.  She's devastated, has been crying.  I had to "exact obedience".  Do kings and queens feel guilty when they have to do this with their subjects?  Granted, she's not my "subject", but she is my daughter, over whom I have a serious stewardship.  I really want to cave, but that would not be exacting the desired result---for her to learn obedience.  I don't want subjection from her.  Just obedience.  If  she cannot honor her father or mother, she will never be able to truly honor herself; or her friends; or her future husband; or her children.  In the long run, I know this will be just a little sting.  But for now, I feel like I've ruined her life.  She feels like that too.  She doesn't know the favor I've paid her tonight, doesn't know the kind of love it took to stay firm in exacting obedience from her.  I really wanted to give in and let her have what she wants, but what would that have accomplished?  Aaaugh!  I am driving myself crazy with guilt and parental reasoning.   I love her so much, I'm going to follow through with it.  I love her!  When is the little stinker going to see that?  When she has her own 15-year-old daughter, most likely.  I so wish she didn't have to learn this the painful way.  I so wish it. 

Sigh.  This was exactly what I was hoping to avoid today.  Double sigh. 

To "exact obedience" from another has been a difficult thing for me today.  I hope the coming days aren't so painful. 

 

examine

EXAM'INE, v.t. egzam'in. [L. examino, from examen.]

1. To inspect carefully, with a view to discover truth or the real state of a thing; as, to examine a ship to know whether she is sea-worthy, or a house to know whether repairs are wanted.

2. To search or inquire into facts and circumstances by interrogating; as, to examine a witness.

3. To look into the state of a subject; to view in all its aspects; to weigh arguments and compare facts, with a view to form a correct opinion or judgment. Let us examine this proposition; let us examine this subject in all its relations and bearing; let us examine into the state of this question.

4. To inquire into the improvements or qualifications of students, by interrogatories, proposing problems, or by hearing their recitals; as, to examine the classes in college; to examine the candidates for a degree, or for a license to preach or to practice in a profession.

5. To try or assay by experiments; as, to examine minerals.

6. To try by a rule or law.

Examine yourselves whether ye are in the faith. 2 Cor.13.

7. In general, to search; to scrutinize; to explore, with a view to discover truth; as, to examine ourselves; to examine the extent of human knowledge.

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Let's just let me get it out there from the first:  These e-words are HARD!   They have to be approached WAY differently than what I got used to with the C-words.  This is taking more discipline than I thought it would, and a LOT more focus. 

That being said, they're way impressive, too.  To do this right, I've got to actually dig way deep down to do these.  Especially today's word.  Examine. 

Though our anniversary was last week, my husband and I celebrated today.  We went out to lunch, went window shopping, talked about our lives quite a bit.  We started talking about when we were newlyweds 21 years ago and our hopes and dreams back then.  Then we examined where we'd come to 21 years later.  Whoa.  Beyond an eye-opener.  Wow, have we changed.  Or, more accurately, our ideas and goals and energy levels have changed as parents and as a couple.  Perhaps even some of our priorities. 

Plus, I examined myself over the last couple of days.  What are MY goals?  MY hopes and dreams?  Have they changed?  I concluded that they have not.  They are the same.  However, how I'm accomplishing those goals is certainly changing----dramatically.  I am softer, kinder, gentler.  I am approaching life with more allowance of peoples' hangups and my own, as well.  I am learning, ever learning ways to improve my life, to bring me some inner peace and true fearlessness in the face of uncertainty.  I can't say I've succeeded completely with all of those, but upon further examination, I'll probably find I've made significant progress.  I hope, in my intense examination of my character, that I am learning more of how to love; how to love myself, others and all of creation.  That is my hope, and my efforts are certainly going into that. 

Examine is a good word.  A necessary word.  It shows me where I am, how far I've got to go, and what effort it's going to take to get there.  It's a great place to start, and a good thing to do throughout the journey. 

Yep.  A good word. 

Eliminate Follow-up

Okay, this was an interesting day with this word.  It's one thing to think to eliminate something, it's another to actually DO it. 

Pride.  I want to eliminate pride.  Why, oh, why is pride so tenacious?  It hangs on with claws that dig in and the harder you try to throw it off, the tighter it clings.  Ew.  Sigh.  However, the interesting thing about pride is that it has a way of arrogantly throwing you out there for life to humble you.  At least that seems to be the case with me.

Actually, I am improving in this endeavor to eliminate pride.  I have been working on obtaining Christlike attributes for a couple of years now.  This has been a very earnest endeavor for me, as I desire to be worthy of great blessings from Heaven.  I want to be worthy to perform miracles, to heal, to effect change in the hearts of those around me.  I desire to be clean and pure---good to the core.  Pride has GOT to go. 

I almost got into an argument with my 14-yr-old son today.  Almost.  That is HUGE progress.  He was hankerin' for a knock down drag-out fight and I almost got snared.  But I saw it for what it was and was able to eliminate my need to be right and walk away.  That made him even more angry, as he tried to reel me in again.  The insults started in as he followed me around. 

I am not telling any of this so that you'll think badly of my son.  He really doesn't understand fully what he's doing.  I'm telling this so that I can describe MY behavior, MY reaction, MY decision in engaging or not engaging.  I swallowed my pride and walked.  Usually, I go off to a corner and mutter and complain for a couple of hours, but today that pride didn't even get 60 seconds out of me.  I eliminated it..  Completely.  However, though the battle may have been won, the war still rages; meaning, I will have more opportunities to swallow pride.  I'm sure something will bring it out in me day to day.  Well, I can choose to be bummed out over that, or choose to look forward to another battle to actually WIN, as I won today. So.....Yay!  I get to do this again tomorrow!  Yippee!

I also had opportunity to get into an argument with Jim.  I didn't.  We disagreed on a point of child-rearing.  Ouch.  No fighting this time.  He was ready to.  I kept my voice gentle, stayed in a place of love and grace. 
I win again!  Wow.  Two successes in one day! 

Now, if I can just keep my pride from making me cocky, that would be great.  Aauuugh!  Too late.  Sigh.  I guess I start eliminating again tomorrow.  Drat!

Happily, two successes are better than none.  This is progress!  Happy day!

eliminate

ELIM'INATE, v.t. [L. elimino; e or ex and limen, threshhold.]

1. To thrust out of doors.

2. To expel; to thrust out; to discharge, or throw off; to set at liberty.

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Wow.  This is a strong word.  I have been thinking about it all day.  I have not acted on it yet.  I will continue this blog entry in a follow-up tomorrow.  I was serious when I said I should invent a planner, as I think it would be prudent to think on a word before it is employed, or acted upon, then write how it was acted upon in the planner.  These e-words take forethought in a BIG way.  I would not have guessed.

I am partaking of the Sacrament tomorrow morning.  I've been thinking about sins and weaknesses, transgressions out of sheer ignorance.  I have the opportunity to offer upon an altar of the Lord a broken heart and contrite spirit, to offer Him a sin or weakness that I would not otherwise acknowledge.  Knowing that He would  gladly take it helps in my motivation, as long as I'm sincere in giving it. 

Knowing I can't take this lightly, which weakness or sin will I offer?  I have to be completely committed to it for Him to accept it.  What would I "eliminate"?

Do I have anything that I would "thrust out", "discharge", "set at liberty"?  My pride, certainly.  Yes, I think that's what I will commune with God about tomorrow and the coming days/weeks.  This might take some time to "throw off", but I'm certain He'll accept this offering line upon line and precept upon precept as I learn to "eliminate' it.  Maybe the scriptural language with this would be "cast off" pride.  "Eliminate"  is a good, cleansing word.  I will apply it spiritually first, then see how I can act on it during the day tomorrow.  I'll update tomorrow evening.

effect

EFFECT', n. [L. effectus, from efficio; ex and facio, to make.]

1. That which is produced by an agent or cause; as the effect of luxury; the effect of intemperance.

Poverty, disease and disgrace are the natural effects of dissipation.

2. Consequence; event.

To say that a composition is imperfect,is in effect to say the author is a man.

3. Purpose; general intent.

They spoke to her to that effect. 2 Chron.34.

4. Consequence intended; utility; profit; advantage.

Christ is become of no effect to you. Gal.5.

5. Force; validity. The obligation is void and of no effect.

6. Completion; perfection.

Not so worthily to be brought to heroical effect by fortune or necessity.

7. Reality; not mere appearance; fact.

No other in effect than what it seems.

8. In the plural, effects are goods; movables; personal estate. The people escaped from the town with their effects.EFFECT', v.t. [from the Noun.] To produce, as a cause or agent; to cause to be. The revolution in France effected a great change of property.

1. To bring to pass; to achieve; to accomplish; as, to effect an object or purpose.

 Well, I am back.  I went 5 days without the internet and found that very frustrating.  I couldn't blog or research or create or anything.  Wow, how my life has become dependent on the computer!  It's good that I had my phone.  Otherwise, I'd have had no contact with the outside world whatsoever.  Phew!  

Something I've noticed about the E-words is that I can't do them at the end of the day.  I have to be prepared bright and early every morning with the word, the definition, etc.  These are VERBS.  That gives a clear indication that they have to be acted upon, and I can't act on the e-words without intent.  So I have to evaluate them and use them with INTENT.  I need a planner for this.  I think I'll invent one. 

My word yesterday was "effect".  I LOVED this word!  I had to ask myself all day, "Self, what effect will this have?"  and "Self, will this have the desired effect?"  "Self, you have the power to effect a change."  By the end of the day, I could sit and reflect on whether I effected people, places and things.  What effect does my presence have in the home?  What effect do I WANT it to have in the home?  With my children?  My spouse?  The house itself?  Did I effect?

When I go into a situation, do I leave it in a different state than when I arrived?  Is it positive?  Or do I effect negatively?  Whoa.  These e-words are WAY different from the c-words.

I actually had to use this word with a specific purpose.  And I made the goal to be nice while doing it.  Not an easy task.  I made a list of the people I wanted to effect.  Then I made a list of how I could effect them. Then I went through and listed the things I want to effect for myself.  It only took a few minutes, but it certainly gave me focus for the day.  With the e-words, it is much more necessary to truly focus and pinpoint the reason I want what I want and how I'm gonna get it.  I could actually FEEL the focal point of it in my mind.  Quite extraordinary.

When all was said and done, I effected change on everyone around me.  And they, too, effected change within me.  I effected a change for a missionary by sending him a letter in response to a question he posed to me.  I effected a change in my household, in that I cleaned it. (I was gone for 1 1/2 weeks, leaving the care of the household to my husband.  Need I say more?)  I did things with purpose yesterday.  It was wonderful.  I hope I effected positive change in others.  I know this effected positive change in me. 

Effect.  Powerful word. 

Exist, Employ

exist

EXIST', v.i. egzist'. [L. existo; ex and sisto, or more directly from Gr. to set, place or fix; L. sto, to stand. The primary sense is to set, fix or be fixed, whence the sense of permanence, continuance.]

1. To be; to have an essence or real being; applicable to matter or body, and to spiritual substances. A supreme being and first cause of all other beings must have existed from eternity, for no being can have created himself.

2. To live; to have life or animation. Men cannot exist in water, nor fishes on land.

3. To remain; to endure; to continue in being. How long shall national enmities exist?

This was my e-word yesterday.  Exist.  It wasn't as easy of a word as I thought it would be.  The C-words revealed things in me; strengths and weaknesses, good and bad.  But that's all they did.  They just showed me my true character, instilled in me a desire to be better.   

Okay, the difference I'm seeing between the C-words and the E-words are quite startling.  With the C-words I could just explore and feel them.  With the E-words, I actually have to initiate DOING something.  C-words were adjectives, describing things; but the E-words are verbs and actually require movement, effort.  Effort (another e-word, by the way) makes me tired.  Sigh.

That being said, I found it hard to just "exist" yesterday.  I made a concerted effort to simply void myself of reaction and just "be".  It was weird, but I learned a lot.  I actually almost pulled it off.  Simply existing was hard work.  I had to be able to engage with people without actually drawing attention to myself, I decided.  What this revealed to me was that, IF I'm going to engage with someone, I like to be the center of attention, to offer to them what I feel valuable in myself that I believe could do both them and myself good.  I don't think this is selfish or egocentric.  This can be a good thing, depending on the motivation attached to it.  Ok, that was very difficult to do. If they engaged with me, I had to keep an emotional distance, or I would disconnect with the word "exist".  This is very difficult to explain. 

Another thing this revealed to me is that, to feel like I was simply existing, it was really easy to "go with the flow".  I made no major decisions, as that would put me into "reaction mode".  So it was VERY easy to just turn hither and thither and be pushed along with the current.  Though it took out any concern or worry for me, as I was jumping into the full experience of this word, it also alarmed me at how will-less I was while doing it.  My will had to be taken out of the equation (also an e-word) or I would lose my connection to the word.  It was so strange....and disconcerting.  

Huh.  I thought about being an intelligence before we were given a spirit tabernacle.  We "existed" then and could think, but it seems to me that that was about it.  As much as I don't like my physical body, as much as it causes me pain or discomfort, as much as it seems to think of its own accord and not counsel with me, I came to realize something.  This experience I had with the word "exist" showed me that a heavy, tedious body gives me FREEDOM.  Freedom to move and act, to take my existence into an understanding that I can change the things around me.  This body, however cumbersome, has given me mobility, movement, creative abilities.  It gives me freedom to put thought into deed, to make ideas realities.  Existence isn't enough for me.  I want to LIVE.  Living creates effect.  (Another e-word:)  What effect can I have?  Simply existing was confining and, well....boring.  I could observe, but do nothing about it without disconnecting from "exist".  It was one of the most bizarre things I've ever experienced.  

These words are quite remarkable.  Every day is different, and I never know where they're going to lead, what thoughts and feelings they're going to dig up.  How will the e-words "effect" my existence?  The next 29 days will be telling, indeed.  

employ

EMPLOY', v.t. [L. plico.]

1. To occupy the time, attention and labor of; to keep busy, or at work; to use. We employ our hands in labor; we employ our heads or faculties in study or thought; the attention is employed, when the mind is fixed or occupied upon an object; we employ time, when we devote it to an object. A portion of time should be daily employed in reading the scriptures, meditation and prayer; a great portion of life is employed to little profit or to very bad purposes.

2. To use as an instrument or means. We employ pens in writing, and arithmetic in keeping accounts. We employ medicines in curing diseases.

3. To use as materials in forming any thing. We employ timber, stones or bricks, in building; we employ wool, linen and cotton, in making cloth.

4. To engage in one's service; to use as an agent or substitute in transacting business; to commission and entrust with the management of one's affairs. The president employed an envoy to negotiate a treaty. Kings and States employ embassadors at foreign courts.

5. To occupy; to use; to apply or devote to an object; to pass in business; as, to employ time; to employ an hour, a day or a week; to employ one's life.

This one was a little easier for me today.  Again, e-words require DOING something.   I employed my car today to get me to church.  I employed my ears to hear testimonies given today.  I employed the kitchen, pots and pans, utensils, to make a meal for my children and friends.

I was looking forward to spending the day employing the Bible and my eyes to read it all day.  I LOVE studying the scriptures, looking for new discoveries, things I didn't know before.  And I got interrupted.  Doesn't anybody else do anything to keep the Sabbath day holy?  Is coming over to see me part of that endeavor?  All of the sudden, I had to play hostess.  I had to disengage from what I had made goals to employ, and be "on" for visitors.  Not just one visitor, but a whole bunch.  They flocked here, it seemed.  It was downright bizarre.  As I felt increasingly annoyed and frustrated, I had to "employ" patience and longsuffering, brotherly kindness and charity (such as I had.  I am quite deficit in many of those.)

So that was an eye-opener to me.  Sometimes I sit and try to BE patient, longsuffering, kind and loving.  Today I realized how dumb that is.  Waiting around for those traits through meditation and prayer and stuff is all noble and admirable.  But I think they must be "employed", relied on to effect a change.  I had to use them like tools.  Did that ever cause a SERIOUS  paradigm shift for me!  They're tools that, once employed enough, wielded enough, actually effect change in the employer.  Permanent change.  I am an employer.
I think I will try to employ those virtues more tomorrow and on and on.  I can devote more attention to them that way.  Does that make it easier, or what?!?

Huh.  Who knew?

Execute

EXECUTE

1. Literally, to follow out or through. Hence, to perform; to do; to effect; to carry into complete effect; to complete; to finish. We execute a purpose, a plan, design or scheme; we execute a work undertaken, that is, we pursue it to the end.

2. To perform; to inflict; as, to execute judgment or vengeance.

3. To carry into effect; as, to execute law or justice.

4. To carry into effect the law, or the judgment or sentence on a person; to inflict capital punishment on; to put to death; as, to execute a traitor.

5. To kill.

6. To complete, as a legal instrument; to perform what is required to give validity to a writing, as by signing and sealing; as, to execute a deed or lease.EX'ECUTE, v.i. To perform the proper office; to produce an effect.



Okay, this isn't one of the 30 E-words.  It's actually in the introduction to the e-words, but must be understood before I start.  So I looked it up and posted it.  EXECUTE.  I will choose, for the moment, to ignore #5's meaning.  All the others, except 1/2 of #4 are doable.  Maybe #2 isn't so hot, either.  All the rest, though, are acceptable.  Right?  So, I am looking at this word and committing it to memory, even if it's only my short-term memory. Hehe.  This is necessary to know in order to do the others.  So, technically, I guess there are at least 31 words in this section.  Sssshhhhhh.  Don't tell.  It would just sound weird to call this the 91-Day CEO.  

cultivated

CULTIVATED, pp. Tilled; improved in excellence or condition; corrected and enlarged; cherished; meliorated; civilized; produced by tillage.



This was the final word for my C's.  I'm actually emotional today thinking of it.  I thought it was a great word to end with for my first 30 days.

I want so many things.  I want to improve in excellence or condition.  I believe these words are helping me to do exactly that.  I am a different person today than when I started 30 days ago.  

I have grown up in farming communities and lived in a few of them as a wife and mother.  I prefer those communities over urban areas.  For years I have watched farmers till the ground, preparing to plant their crops, be it corn, wheat, barley, potatoes, sugar beets, alfalfa, mint, carrot seed, or a simple garden, etc.  I have seen a variety of crops grown throughout my life.  Interestingly, though the seeds planted were all different, the process for preparing the ground was pretty much the same.  The care taken, the exactness of which the rows were made and planted....the process is essentially the same for nearly every crop. 

The ground has to be prepared, or nothing but wild weeds will grow, if even that.

I feel that these words are preparing me to be something.  I am not a corn kernel, or a barley seed.  I don't know what I am yet.  Yes, I'm a human being.  I get that.  Like, duh.  But I've been looking around at other human beings, and I'm not sure I want to be like that.  I know that people can be kind.  I have met many kind people in my life.  I know that human beings can be smart.  I've met many of those, as well. But even smart people can be mean.  I am smart, and I have a mean streak in me that I'm trying so hard to overcome.  The C-words have helped me progress in that endeavor.

I want to be more than a human being.  I don't think being a human being is enough.  Not for me, anyway.  I want to be more than human.  I want to be divine. I don't often see the divine in human beings.


I feel that the C-words helped me prepare the ground so I can be planted and  developed now.  It certainly revealed the type of soil I'm made up of.  Part of "cultivated" means to till.  Ever watched someone plow or till?  It digs things up, brings things to the surface, bringing to the visible eye things that were hidden in the ground.  It is complete and total upheaval.  It is necessary, or the seeds planted will not grow. 

The C-words dug stuff up for me, and brought them into awareness, things that I was not aware of before.  This first 30 days showed me on a much deeper level my true character.  I learned that I am a pretty decent human being, but again, that's not enough for me.  I want more. 

What will my fruit be?  What kind of seed will I produce someday?  What will I truly be when I really grow up? 

This is quite the adventure, these words.  I never know what they'll reveal or produce in me.  They almost always surprise me; some good surprises, some disappointing surprises.  But they're doing their job. 

Who knew?  I have concluded one major thing with this program.  Words are perhaps the most powerful things on Earth.  Even more powerful than the people who use them.  Wow. 

Collected, Colorful

collected

COLLECTED, pp.

1. Gathered; assembled; congregated; drawn together.

2. Recovered from surprise or dismay; not disconcerted; cool; firm; prepared.

 

 

I am 2 days behind, as I am travelling and had no access to the Internet last night.  Sorry about that.  However, I was no less aware of my words over the last 2 days.  

 

Collected.  Yesterday was an interesting day for me, in that I made a decision as I got ready for the day, to just let the day happen.  Keep in mind that I am not the kind of person to just go with the flow.  I am a planner. I make lists.  I like making lists.  Lists are fun.  Planning is enjoyable for me.  So, when I say that I made a decision to just let the day happen, well, that was a high-risk choice for me, especially since the word "collected" has had a bit of a "controlled" feel to me.   

 

Boy, was I off on that.  Why do I have such control issues?  This word isn't about control at all.  It's about inviting, about fellowship, about oneness.  By making the decision to just let the day happen, it opened up more opportunity for truly enjoying people, not for what they had to offer, but simply because they are who and what they are.  

 

I gathered 2 of my closest friends together.  I collected them.  I brought them together.  I was firm and prepared to stick to my decision to just "be" with them and see where the day led us.  We laughed, we solved the world's problems, we pigged out on salad (can one pig out on salad? Is salad a pig out food?), we spoke of lofty and heavenly things, expressed love to one another, drove around and wasted gasoline, went and spent money, watched one of our friends open her birthday present, tried to go to the movie, but got the time wrong, etc.  It was a blast. We gathered feelings of good will.  We were drawn together by a force of fellowship and love.  It was a beautiful day.  And even though we missed the movie, I was not dismayed or disconcerted.  I loved every minute of time I had with my friends.  

 

I don't think "collected" means to be prim and proper.  I actually think it is a word of ease, a word that ALLOWS us to gather together, to draw together, to be firm, cool, prepared for whatever the day may throw at us.  Had I made a list, created an agenda for myself yesterday, if anything had interfered with it I would have been dismayed, disconcerted.  

 

I'm not saying that we shouldn't have a plan, but perhaps it would be easier to not be taken by surprise if we were prepared for anything to happen, prepared for surprises.  

 

I REALLY liked this word.  Collected.  It helped me stay focused on gathering my thoughts.  I think I enjoyed being collected today.

 

 

 

 

 

col·or·ful  (klr-fl)

adj.

1. Full of color; abounding in colors: colorful leaves in the fall.

2. Characterized by rich variety; vividly distinctive: colorful language.

 

 

 

Full of color.  I was looking for colors today.  I was looking for green leaves and grass, the yellow of the sun, the red hues in the sunset, the browns in the soil.  Well, I'm in blackfoot.  Not a lot of green trees where I'm staying.  Lots of dusty weird-colored Russian Olive trees.  Lots of brown grass, considering we're in a drought.  And the sky was overcast most of the day, so the yellow and brightness of the sun was obscured.  I was disappointed.  The places I expected to find color, I found very little.  

 

When am I going to learn that I can't MAKE these words happen to my own understanding?  The words have a life of their own.  Why do I continually try to shape them to what I think they should be?  Like, duh!  

 

I am beginning to realize that if I simply look for what the word is trying to tell me, I get much more out of it, it is easier to connect to.  

 

Colors are adjectives, always describing something.  Today I was orange.  Or at least my shirt was.  But the shirt was on me, making me appear to be orange to the naked eye.  But my pants were blue.  So that made me orange and blue today.  Today I was orange and blue!  Jennifer was yellow.  She wears yellow well.  Little Eva is blonde.  I didn't notice her clothing today, as she changed over three times into something new each time, but I did notice her beautiful California blonde hair.  Today, Eva's I.D. in my mind was blonde.  Plaited blonde. 

 

It is so hot here, over 100 degrees.  Everyone here is flushed and glistening with sweat.  I think that I will name 2 more colors.  Flushed.  Glistening.  Faces held a heat-induced flush and their skin glistened with sweat.  It was quite attractive on most of us. Even me.  It was color.  Our cheeks and faces were full of color.  Colorful.   

Color brings things to life.  Being void of color indicates something is dead.  Color has luster.  Death erases luster.  

I could actually HEAR color today.  Even my ears were full of color.  Vibrant sounds abounded.  I could hear crickets, locusts, cicadas.  I could see vibrancy in all around me today.  

I would say that colorful could go hand in hand with contrast.  My orange shirt is quite bright.  I'm certain blind people could see me coming with a shirt like that.  Bright enough to penetrate even the most unseeing eyes.  Yep, it was one of THOSE orange shirts.  Make the blind see, or the seeing blind.  Quite loud.  In contrast, Jennifer's soft yellow shirt had a more calming effect than my hunter safety shirt.  And yet both were noticeable, both briefly enhanced our identity for the day.  

I'm glad I'm learning to let these words speak for themselves instead of me having to arrogantly try to make them fit into my own understanding.  I like that phrase...Let the words talk.  "Colorful" talks.  I like it's language.  Vibrant. Alive.  Color means that I'm alive.  I live.  I am colorful.

calm

CALM, a.

1. Still; quiet; being at rest; as the air. Hence not stormy or tempestuous; as a calm day.

2. Undisturbed; not agitated; as a calm sea.

3. Undisturbed by passion; not agitated or excited; quiet; tranquil; as the mind, temper, or attention.

Wow, I am really struggling with some of these words.  I have been calm today, but there were times when I was not.  When he didn't get what he wanted, my 14-year-old son resorted to name-calling and confrontation, even trying to turn the other children against me.  Inside I was not calm.  Not even a little.  Inside I begin to shake with post traumatic stress syndrome bubbling up from past abuse.  Inside, he scares me.  But I am training myself to be calm on the outside, at least, even pleasant.  It is not easy, and always leaves me drained and listless.  Today was a good day to come back to Blackfoot.  I will have almost 2 weeks to let him simmer down before I get to return home, as business efforts must keep me away from home for now.  We'll see if he chooses to do it.  Maybe when I get back he won't be so punishing.  Triumphantly, however, I was calm on the outside today, my passions bridled, my face smiling and tranquil, my words pleasant and truthful. 

 

Usually, when I'm packing for these trips, I get a little anxious, often a bit testy with the kids.  Today, not so.  I kept calm.   We were even late leaving and didn't arrive here until 1am, but I remained undisturbed.  I pulled it off.  I actually did it.  

My husband and I had to make a choice as to which car I should bring, as each one has different issues that could possibly compromise the safety and effectiveness of my trip.  This time, I felt completely calm on the inside as well as the outside.  I was at peace, having a perfect confidence in God that He would arrange for all to be well.  This trip will go smoothly.  The clutch on the car will not have issues that cannot be easily dealt with. I am at complete peace on this matter, undisturbed, softly smiling at the surety of well-being that, because I feel it so profoundly, will actually be.  I know it with a calm assurance and firmness.  Of this I'm certain. 

I calmly accept this as fact. 

considerate

CONSIDERATE, a. [L. See Consider.]

1. Given to consideration, or to sober reflection; thoughtful; hence, serious; circumspect; careful; discreet; prudent; not hasty or rash; not negligent.

2. Having respect to; regardful; as, considerate of praise. [Little used.]

3. Moderate; not rigorous.

 

Interesting that not one of these definitions give any indication of being considerate of others.  

 

That's what I was looking for all day today.  I was considerate of others, but it was a struggle. With these words, until I know the full meaning and definition, it's a struggle to have an experience with the word if I lean to my own understanding of the word.  I actually like to look up the definition at the end of the day because of the surprise it gives me when I'm way off.  Kinda fun.  

I have been having many thoughts today, as I've considered the difficulties between me and my 14-year-old son.  We've had our challenges today.  And yesterday.  Sigh.  But I've been considering a few things, one of which is how, when we have a little bit of a hard time, we tend to get more serious about the things in life. 

 

I've been reviewing some things, looking at outcomes in our family based on what we do, how we interact with each other.  Interesting findings.  This program is helping reveal many of my flaws and weaknesses.  I am grateful.  I have been "considerate" of this word and it is uncovering some things deep within me.  Wow.  Much to think about.  Much to change.  Bigtime. 

 

 

Captivating, Communicative

Captivating:

1. Taking prisoner; engaging the affections.

2. a. Having power to engage the affections.

---

This program is full of discoveries about myself.  I have discovered---again---that monthly hormones turn me into sludge.  Nothing captivating about sludge.  I have not been captivating.  I was bemoaning this sad fact out in the flower garden, swinging on the garden swing, spending a precious few moments alone, and pondering this word, feeling absolutely miserable, listless, lethargic, well, you get the picture.  Whine, whine, whine, whine....shall I go on? 

As I was gently swinging, I looked down and saw a rolypoly laboriously make his way across a decorative brick.  I remembered playing with them when I was a young girl, handling them, trying to get them to curl into a protective ball by agitating them.  I smiled at the memory and continued to watch the bug.  Then I saw a daddy long leg cross the same brick with what probably seemed like leaps and bounds compared to the rolypoly.  And then ants, skittering around on the hunt for food to feed the colony.  Then I  heard a mosquito buzz in my ear, a bee hum in the flowers all around me. 

Of f in the distance, my sister's cat was climbing a tree, harassing a nest, the mama bird squawking in a threatened panic.  There were birds everywhere, the flowers in full bloom, a soft breeze, leaves rustling in the trees, my 8-year-old son and niece around the corner laughing and squealing in delight on the trampoline. 

I was taken prisoner, completely captive in affections for all the things around me.  In a flood of emotion and gratitude, I knew I was the one held captive.  This was not what I was expecting from that word at all, yet it created something more poignant and captivating than I could ever be on my own.  In that one moment I was happy to be sludge, as long as I could be such whilst completely in the spell of the wonder about me.  For that moment I was a happy captive. 

My 5-year-old niece came bursting into the garden and broke the moment, but it lingers still in my heart.  Makes me smile.  And even now, a day later, it still holds me captive when I think on it.  What a beautiful word.  What a beautiful manifestation of that word. 






COMMUNICATIVE, a.

1. Inclined to communicate; ready to impart to others. In the sense of liberal of benefits, though legitimate, it is little used.

2. Disposed to impart or disclose, as knowledge, opinions, or facts; free to communicate; not reserved.

We have paid for our want of prudence, and determine for the future to be less communicative.

 

 

Communicative.....hmm.  I don't know how to approach this word.  Still feeling like sludge, so my communication has been limited today.  I had two wonderful opportunities to impart or disclose knowledge and opinions with my daughter and my 15-year-old son.  And I believe I communicated well.  

 

I also had an opportunity to impart what I thought were words of wisdom to my son with mental illness.  Ever had one of those days where it would just be in the greatest of wisdom to simply  tape your mouth shut?  This particular  instance spun out of control so quickly, I had to walk away.  It took me nearly 2 hours to calm down.  Granted, none of my agitation showed on the inside.  I kept all feelings contained.  Even my body language.  He has no idea I was so upset.  That's largely in due to this program and what I'm learning about myself.  Even though I am very weak in communicating with those with mental illness, I am learning how to control myself better.  Still, communication with him is nearly impossible.  I don't even know why I bother.  

 

I've even thought of setting up a clicker system with him.  1 click for "no", 2 clicks for "yes", and a serious of clicks for "I love you, but I better leave before I do something I regret."  This is the simplest form of communication I can think of.  Even dogs respond to it.  Think my 14-year-old would respond?  Probably not. That would be too easy.  Sigh.  I wish he could know that I'm trying to tell him I love him.  He doesn't understand my language, and I'm having such a difficult time learning his.  Communication isn't as easy as I thought.  I've always felt I was quite good at communicating, especially considering my love of words.  But with him......

 

A very enlightening word.  Revealed a lot about myself.

 

 

 

curious

CURIOUS, a. [L., care. See Cure.]

1. Strongly desirous to see what is novel, or to discover what is unknown; solicitous to see or to know; inquisitive.

2. Habitually inquisitive; addicted to research or enquiry; as a man of a curious turn of mind; sometimes followed by after, and sometimes by of.

3. Accurate; careful not to mistake; solicitous to be correct.

4. Careful; nice; solicitous in selection; difficult to please.

5. Nice; exact; subtile; made with care.

 6. Artful; nicely diligent.

7. Wrought with care and art; elegant; neat; finished; as a curious girdle; curious work Exodus 28 and 30.

8. Requiring care and nicety; as curious arts. Acts 19.

9. Rigid; severe; particular. [Little used.]

 10. Rare; singular; a a curious fact.


Interesting definitions!  I only related my own understanding to 2 or 3 of these definition, but never would have supposed the other definitions.  Rigid?  Severe?  Particular?  Careful?  Accurate?  You've got to be kidding!  I would never have gone there.  

However, that being said, I'm reviewing my day and seeing where I've done any of this.  I am certainly inquisitive, truly addicted to  research and to discover what is unknown.  

I went to the temple today and couldn't soak up enough information.  Sometimes I get frustrated with what I want to know, but have to wait to find out.  Sigh.  Still, I learned a lot and am grateful for a broadening understanding of what God wants me to do about it. 

They say that "curiosity killed the cat", portraying being curious as a bad thing.  Curiosity comes with its risks, of course, but without it nothing would get done or discovered in this world.   Inquisitive.  Hmmm.  I have recently had the opportunity to teach some learning skills to a friend of mine.  He was particularly excited when I showed him a technique in asking questions.  "The question is in the answers", I said.  As he started asking questions of everything he was seeing, he got very excited about it.  Asking the right questions opens us up to a whole new world of awareness.  Being inquisitive.  

I am curious.  I want to know things.  Sometimes I feel that if I don't learn certain things, I'll literally burst.  My personality requires it.  I like being curious.  Being curious makes me feel alive, vibrant.  I like this word a tremendous amount.  I'm curious as to what tomorrow will bring. 



 
   

content

CONTENT, a. [L., to be held; to hold.] Literally, held, contained within limits; hence, quiet; not disturbed; having a mind at peace; easy; satisfied, so as not to repine, object, or oppose.


Huh?  NOT the definition I was expecting!  This Latin word was unexpected.  I've been pondering it all day, wondering how it could apply.  I was thinking of it in the noun sense, not the adjective sense; and all the c-words are adjectives.  This word was a surprise to me. 

Held.  Contained within limits.  Well, let's see.  I wasn't contained within limits much today.  I was limited with how far I could go, in that I was shy on gasoline or the money to replenish it today.  So I guess I was contained within the limits of my gasoline budget.  Hmmm.

The rest of it made more sense to me. "...quiet: not disturbed: having a mind at peace; easy; satisfied, so as not to repine, object. or oppose." 

This was more in line of what I was thinking today.  Mostly to be satisfied and have my mind at peace.  I worked hard on it all day.  It was a choice for me, not just something that I simply allowed to happen today, unlike some of the other words.  So, that being said, perhaps the first part of that  definition "...held, contained within limits..." wasn't so far off anyway.  I had plenty of opportunities to be upset today.  We have an adopted son with mental illness and fetal alcohol syndrome, which makes him very selfish and demanding, making it incredibly difficult for him to have a moral compass, to choose right from wrong, even though he understands right and wrong.  He just doesn't care about anything but getting what he wants.  He has tried to push my buttons several times today, but I "held" my peace.  I decided to NOT be disturbed, to keep not only my bad reactions in check, or contained, but to allow my good feelings to put a genuine smile on my face.  I was under control, contained within limits.  He responded well to that, and the both of us are at peace for the time being. 

I also had the opportunity to laugh hysterically tonight, as well.  Even that I "contained within limits".  I was satisfied with the  genuine laughter that still made my eyes water, but didn't go overboard. 

I am very excited at some of the business prospects that are coming into view, but even held that peacefully.  I opposed no one today.  I objected to nothing today.  I was easy to be with, it was easy for me to be with others. I chose to be "content" with all that came along today, satisfied----with a sincere smile on my face.  I actually was at peace all day today. 

I am learning to be happy with what I have; to be at peace with all that is around me....for today, at least.   I think, just for a moment, I felt something within myself that I've always wanted:  True graciousness.  I've always wanted to be gracious, and this word helped give me a taste of it for a brief moment.  It was heavenly.

Know how many times in my life I've tried to accomplish just one day like today?  I've lost count, perhaps even given up on trying anymore.  But I'd never attached a word to it, just tried to randomly pull it off.  The power of focusing on that one word today accomplished for me what I was beginning to believe was impossible.  And it was almost EASY.  Wow.  Who'd have thunk?  I am very content with this word. 

comely

COMELY, a.

1. Properly, becoming; suitable: whence, handsome; graceful. Applied to person or form, it denotes symmetry or due proportion, but it expresses less than beautiful or elegant.

I have seen a son of Jesse--comely person. 1 Sam. 16.

I will not conceal his comely proportion. Job 41.

2. Decent; suitable; proper; becoming; suited to time, place, circumstances or persons.

Praise is comely for the upright. Ps. 33.

It is comely that a woman pray to God uncovered? 1 Cor. 11.

O what a world is this, when what is comely envenoms him that bears it.COMELY, adv. Handsomely; gracefully.


Um, I don't even have an inkling as to how to describe my day today.  Not a clue.  Nothing truly extraordinary happened.  Nothing of worldly notability.  I can't say that anything around me changed.  So why was today so....poignant(?)....for me?  

Ever had one of those days where you wake up and you know something significant has changed within you?  A day when you don't know when or why something changed, you just know it did?  Perhaps it had to do with the c-word yesterday---  "Changeable" --- and my statement that I was going to change.  I am coming to believe wholeheartedly that connecting with these words actually bring them into being in everyday life.  They actually happen.  Perhaps that is exactly what happened to me today.  

The day felt different for me from the moment I got up.  I looked at my new word today, "comely", and felt something inside me smile wisely, pleased.  I immediately felt connected to this word.  It wasn't something I felt on the outside.  I do not feel attractive or handsome, or all that proper.  I don't feel beautiful to the world in any way.  Just the opposite, in fact.  

Surprisingly, I am starting to feel all that on the inside, believe it or not.  It's like a lightbulb went on inside of me and all of the sudden I just seem to "get" things.  There are some things I've wondered all my life, and today a couple of those wonderings were resolved, as all of the sudden I just understood.  Several "aha" moments today, where gears shifted and ideas clicked into place and wheels turned and I felt suddenly enlightened.  Is this making any sense?  

Though I don't look it on the outside, inside I feel comely.  There is a quiet calm within, despite the many opportunities I've had today to be annoyed, irritated, insulted and downright justifiably angry.  But I didn't do any of those things today.  Instead, I felt an interesting feeling I don't think I've ever felt before.  I felt accepting of just about everything today.  Today I felt "suited to time, place, circumstance, or persons."  I don't think there's any way to portray that from one person to another without both parties experiencing it.  

I still feel it.  Even though I didn't meet the midnight deadline on having this word recorded on June 25, that it's going to show up on June 26 and look like I skipped a day, when I really didn't, I just didn't go to bed until almost 2am, is all, I still feel it.  It feels.....really good.  Sad things have happened to me today.  Mean things have happened to me today.  Unfair things.  Some really good things happened to me today, too.  And ya know what?  They're all okay.  I didn't cry when I was sad.  I didn't get angry when I was frustrated.  I didn't fly off the handle when I was treated unfairly.  I stayed in grace in all of these things.  Wow.  That's a first.  

I hope it's not going to be the last.  "Comely".  What an awesome word.

 

 

Changeable

June 24, 2013
c-word: changeable

"Susceptibility of change, or alteration"


Okay, this is the scoop on me and this word.  I need to change.  Plain and simple.  If there's anything these words have taught me, it is that I can be better.  I can be more powerful.  I can be more gracious.  I can be truly majestic in all that is right and good.  

So this word is particularly important to me today.  I can change.  I MUST change, or I will never be what I feel I can be, what I know is lying within me, just waiting to explode into an immense power of light and goodness.  It's in there.  I have felt it for years.  

I am overweight and I hate it.  It has caused health problems, and any stress, be it positive or negative, sets those problems off, causing a lot of pain and sludginess.  It is not majestic in all that is right and good.  

I'm in there somewhere.  I feel me in there.  I know I'm in there somewhere.  These words are helping me break free.  Enough of this false me, I say!  Enough.  I am ready to change, I am changeable.  I am ready to be altered, to emerge.  I am ready for the real me to come forth.  

I also know I am a better person that what I've portrayed to myself and others.  I don't have to be grumpy.  I don't have to feel yucky.  I don't have to not like my life.  I don't have to be depressed, oppressed, sad, lonely, or any feeling that I might be feeling.  I don't have to repeat the same patterns I've always repeated.  

Enough! As of right now, I am changeable.  

What a powerful word!  What a blessing this program is for me!  Not only CAN I change, but I now believe I WILL change.   

I am changeable.

Classic

Classic:
-Belonging to the first or the highest rank
-Approved as a model
-Of lasting significance
-Adhering to standard and authoratative principles and form
-Balanced
-Formal
-Austere
-Recognized as a standard of excellence


Wowser!  Classic did not mean what I thought it meant.  I thought about this word all day, trying to fit it into my definition of what I thought it was.  Couldn't do it.  I'm glad I was incorrect in my definition, because I just couldn't grasp or connect to this word, otherwise.  But NOW.....well, now it's clearer.

I was a model to my children today--whether or not it was a good example, it's hard to say, as I was down most of the day with serious aches and pains and a migraine headache.  

I think the definition that really hit me with this word was "Of lasting significance".  Things are very black and white to me.  Almost no gray in the middle.  It is either right or wrong, good or bad.  My standards with general behavior are pretty high, and I've worked very hard to pass that along to my children.  When it comes to this type of thing, I am rather "classic".  Still, is it sinking into my children's heads?  Their hearts?  Have I taught them anything "of lasting significance"?  Am I learning anything of lasting significance?  Am I, myself, something of lasting significance?  I would like to be.  These words certainly make you think, that's for certain!

I tend to be austere. And rather formal.  Got that down pat.  But I tend to self-defeat, which would not indicate reaching high standards of excellence.  Sometimes I peter out, getting sloppy at the end of a project, or lazy with long-term goals.  That's why I like this program, as the blogging is something that, in order to do the program right, I have to be consistent and not poop out.  Blogging is teaching me discipline.  

That's another characteristic I believe falls under "classic".  Discipline.  From the definition above, I am certainly now of the opinion that being "classic" requires discipline.  And perseverence.  If you're going to run a race, finish the race.  If you're going to set a goal, meet the goal.  If I'm going to do this 90-day program, see it through to the glorious finish.  Classic!  

Interestingly enough, these words--though some of them BLATANTLY show me my weaknesses---never leave me feeling unworthy or bad.  I've been guilt-motivated my whole life, so that statement is really sayin' something.  I don't feel guilt for not be completely saturated in the perfection of each of these words.  I feel thoughtful, as I'm beginning to see myself for what I am more and more.  I thought I knew me.  The more I do this program, the more I realize I didn't know myself at all.  Getting re-acquainted with myself is quite pleasant.  I'm truly beginning to like me more and more.  What a concept!  :):):):)
 

Charismatic

 Saturday, June 22, 2013
C-word: Charismatic


Charismatic: adjective
Charisma: noun
Greek, favor, gift, from charizesthai to favor, from charis grace; akin to Greek chairein to rejoice 


This was an interesting day.  I've been thinking about this word.  I am learning through this whole program and the c-words that I can literally think these words into happening.  Weird!  But real, nonetheless.  It is getting to be an almost surreal experience with these words.  It seems that once I actually connect with a word, it literally brings it into being in my life---usually without even trying.  

So....charismatic.  I've never thought of myself as much of a charismatic person.  I looked up this word and found where the word came from, which I recorded above.  Favor; gift; grace; rejoice.  Wow.  Pretty powerful stuff.  

I've come to the point with these words that just thinking about them brings actual experience with them.  I loved the root meanings of this word, as they're attributes I strive to obtain.  I seldom succeed, but I believe I'm picking up the pace on that one.  It's slow, but it's comin' along.  

So I decided I would just go with the flow on this word.  I've said it out loud several times today.  Unlike being "charming", which is a manipulative and sometimes selfish word, as it pushes ourselves on others, "charismatic" actually draws people in!  People actually WANT to be around truly charismatic individuals.  

So, going with the flow, I came in contact with several people today, at least one of which is a really bothersome, rather dysfunctional individual.  Very needy.  Again, I just went with the flow---and ended up having quite a nice talk with her.  It was pleasant!

Same at Jo's house.  Charisma, I believe, is in all of us.  It is my opinion that we're all born with charisma, but it is trained out of us by society and the insecurities which drive people away are trained in.  That''s my opinion, however true that may or may not be.  I certainly believe it, though I don't know if that's an absolute truth.  For now, that's been my experience.  

I've had little kids that don't normally give me the time of day come and sit peacefully on my lap today.  Just because they felt like it.  Weird, huh?  My husband was drawn to me, wanted to be around me.  My teenage son, who usually has better things to do than talk to his old fuddy-duddy mom, WANTED to spend time with me tonight.  I KNOW, right?

This is what I meant when I realized that being "charismatic" actually means you're drawing people in!  This is really quite remarkable and means a lot to me.  These words have power---each and every one of them.  Today I saw the power of the word "charismatic".   It was quite a privilege to connect with this word.   

That's what I'm learning:  connecting with the word brings it into being.  For real.  The secret, then, is to connect to it.  The rest just falls into place.  This program is a blast of experiences and information!  I am not only improving my vocabulary, but I'm actually EXPERIENCING stuff!  And I'm learning tons about myself and the people around me.  What a great program!  

Friday, June 21, 2013
C-word:  Completed

Today is the first day of Summer.  Spring is officially "completed".  It is more than just "finished", for spring will be back, but for 2013, it's cycle is complete.  I've been thinking of this word all day, looking for ways that it could apply.  I don't know why, but I've given this one more thought that the others over the last week, which is saying a lot, as I've been really going for it with this program. 

When I'm done with The 90-Day CEO, I will officially be certified as a Presenter.  I will have "completed" the  Discovery Course.  Funny how that word is supposed to be an adjective, but I just used it as a verb. 

Truly, I am a work in progress.  It is I who must find completion, to be "completed".  Golly, will that ever happen?  There is so much to learn, so much to do, so many things to discover.  I almost don't like the thought of being "completed".  That would mean I was pretty much dead;  not looking forward to that quite yet. :)

There is a difference between "completed" and "finished", I believe.  The day will be finished here in about 25 minutes, but perhaps some of my tasks are not genuinely "completed".  So many times I've gone to bed thinking about all the things I still had to do, how many were only partially done, how many were incomplete.  The day will be finished, but the tasks continue on.  Making a bed is never "completed", I feel.  Being "completed" clearly suggests never doing it again.  Why would there be a need?  It is already "completed".  But I can make a bed daily and be finished for that particular bed-making moment.  Dishes, making the bed, cleaning the house, putting gas in the car, being a parent, etc.;  we can finish those, but it never goes away or stays away until they are "completed". 

There is much dignity in 'completing' things, as well.  A carpenter can make a cabinet or table or whatever, and eventually "complete" the project. He will never have to worry about finishing that project ever again.   Same with quilting, crafts and hobbies.  Same with many other things.  They can be "completed".  Projects can be "completed".  Procrastination, it seems to me, is the nemesis of  being "completed", for nothing would ever progress.  Is there REALLY a difference between 'completed' and 'finished'?

For instance, I made Christmas ornaments last Fall.  I finished them all, and they're truly beautiful.  They are currently tucked away under my bed, lying dormant, doing nothing of the measure of their creation for which they were made.  I'm sure I'll never feel that they're completed until they get to do what they were designed to do.  It seems sad, thinking of them doing nothing under the bed.  I sincerely hope they're never "completed" in their purpose, that they continue to bring smiles and sweet nostalgia every Christmas season. 
Is THAT the difference between 'finished' and 'completed'?

Wow, the more I think about this, the more I don't know if I'm interested in being "completed".  I want to go on and on, finishing this or that, but never ceasing to be a work in progress.  The discovery of ME, the becoming of ME, is a journey I'm still enjoying. 

Thursday, June 20, 2013
C-word:  Cooperative

What an interesting word.  There is no solidarity with this word, no singular sovereignty.  An "operative" can stand on his/her own.  They "operate".  "Co-operative" has a clear indication of 2 or more "operating" together.

I tend to take words pretty serious, even literally.  Otherwise, what good are they?  "Cooperative" does not indicate "compliance" as modern dictionaries would imply.  It seems to me that compliance means compliance, nothing more, nothing less.  "Cooperative", on the other hand, indicates working together, cohesively and agreeably, to reach a common goal.

Do I do that?  Am I cooperative, working with another agreeably towards a common goal?  I believe I have done that today; with Bronwen, certainly, also with my sisters today.

Zach and I are in Oregon at Kelly's house.  Crystal was very cooperative in that she helped Kelly set up her blog tonight.  I helped pay for gasoline to get here.  Crystal contributed, as well.  Our common goal was to get here.  We are both cooperative, as we reached our goal by working together.

Too often I see people do their own thing, working independent of one another, trudging along....alone.  Wouldn't it be nice if we were all cooperative one with another, working towards a common goal?  I think it would be the stirrings of the beginnings of Zion.  I will be more cooperative and do my part for the greater whole.  Yep.  Gonna do it.

Concise...

Wednesday, June 19, 2013
 c-word:  Concise

 

con·cise

[kuhn-sahys] Show IPA

adjective expressing or covering much in few words; brief in form but comprehensive in scope; succinct; terse:

Well, I am certainly concise.  Sometimes.  I'm very concise with my children...when I'm not lecturing them.  I'm doing better at that, actually.  I haven't lectured them for a very long time.  Sometimes I actually miss that glazed expression they get when I lecture....NOT!   

Concise was one of the things that others said is one of my strengths; taking long explanations and shortening them into better-understood sentences, that I"m very clear with words.  If they only knew how many words were going through my head at any given time.  It's staggering.  

I love words. I love their meanings, their power to affect change.  Perhaps that's why I love this 90-day program so much, because understanding the words help me to understand my use them, which leads me to understand me better.  

I believe that the word "concise" means to say exactly what you mean, no fluffy fru-fru words necessary to soften it.  I suppose that could come across as rather rude to some.  But I believe that being concise--not blunt, necessarily--is an indication of true honesty in a person.  Short, sweet, to the point.  Perhaps it can be seen as brusque, rude.  It is my feeling that if a person can't see "concise" for what it is, that person is perhaps too sensitive in their perception, too quick to take offense.  

Was I "concise" today?  Yes, I was, in several instances.  I went shopping for my son today, preparing to send him a care package in a couple of days.  I didn't waste time.  I just went in there, got what I needed, and came right out, moving onto the next phase in the day.  I believe it's possible to be "concise" with time, not just words.  Today I did both.  On the phone, in the store, at home, etc.  

Just a thought:  Concise seems a good way to get a point across, to get things done quickly and efficiently.  But does it leave any room for spontaneity?  Wow.  Never thought that before.  I'll have to give that some serious consideration.

 

June 18, 2013
c-word:  confident

Well, I am a day behind.  I really don't like being behind, but it couldn't be helped.  Again, I wrote in my journal, but didn't get it on the blog.  So, technically, this doesn't count as a fail, right? 

Anyhow, my c-word was "confident".  Um....I got a serious dose of humility with this one. 

Okay, here's the skinny on this:  I'm starting up a new business.  I know I'm supposed to do it.  I believe I can do it.  The problem:  I don't know what I'm doing.  (Shocker!  I KNOW, right?)

I'm in the middle of field testing a specific product.  It's not only doing well, it's doing EXTREMELY well.  So well, in fact, that it took me by surprise and I had to do a double-take. There was one defining moment in my thought process that came to the forefront of my mind;  "This is going to be big."  Huge, in fact.  I knew it with a certainty that went to the core. 

Bigger than me, with is big, because I'm a 'larger-than-life' type of person, a force to be reckoned with.  All this time I've been putting my business plan together, gathering information, securing contracts, field testing, etc., I've been extremely confident in my abilities, confident that these are good products, that the principles and objectives are good, are clear.  I've been confident that not only will this business help people, but will change the very core of their souls into something absolutely wonderful, helping them be who they are divinely supposed to be.  My confidence has been off the scale solid in all this. 

But when I saw how huge this is going to be, I got scared.  Bigtime.  I don't know how to run a big company.  I know how to run my own little business from home, but a corporation?  A big, corporate, work-outside-the-home business?  Is this right for me?  Can I maintain motherhood AND do all this?  Granted, other than a late-arriving caboose in our family, most of my children are practically grown and are beginning to leave the nest, but still.....

The details!  They're running around in my brain until my head is pounding.  The company structure, the benefits, the liability insurance, the lawyers, the CPAs, rules, regulations, bylaws, mission statement, logo, website, details, details, details.  I am trying to not freak out.

Okay, I have to go back to what I know.  I know I'm supposed to do this.  I know the time is now.  I know I CAN do it, I just have to be smart about it.  I know it will work.  And I know that if I don't jump on it now, it'll never happen.  No one else will do it.  Just me, to start. 

I can focus on this right now and get the beginnings done.  That's all.  Just the beginnings.  We'll worry about the rest later.  Time to breathe.  Just breathe. 

I am confident I can get the beginnings done.  Yes, I can do that.  I am confident I can do that, then look to the next step.  Yes, I can do that confidently.  Very much so.  Whew!  I don't have to have a nervous breakdown, after all!

Catching up 3

Well, this was supposed to go on last night, but my computer chord shorted and I couldn't get it on, so I am officially one day behind on the blog, even though I actually wrote it write on schedule in my journal.  So I'll just copy it over to blog and hopefully, barring other technological catastrophies, I will blog again tonight and be completely caught up.  Hoping.......

Sunday, June 16, 2013

C-word:  Chosen

Chosen.  Hmmmm....An adjective, descriptive.  It reminds me of that old Eddie Murphy movie back in the late 1980s, early 1990's called The Chosen .  There was also an awesome book by Chaim Potock (sp) about Hessidic and Orthodox Jews called The Chosen.  The movie had to do with a plot around an old Tibetan prophecy, if I remember correctly.  The book had to do with Jewish birthright.  I actually believe in both prophecy and birthright.  I believe they go hand in hand. 

I could say "I have chosen' to do this or that, but that would be more of a 'go and do' thing, a verb rather than adjective.  However, were I to say "I am chosen", "you are chosen", we're now back in descriptive/adjective mode. 

Jim is chosen, for I chose him.  My children choose team members to be on their baseball or croquet games.  The team members are therefore "chosen". 

Chosen is a derivitive of "choice", in context for these purposes to be used as an adjective; i.e. "I am choice",. 

What have I been chosen for?  I've been chosen as a friend, as a wife.  I've been chosen to play the piano at church.  I've been chosen to do other things, I'm sure, but I can't think of anymore at the moment. :)  I'll have to think on this....

Tomorrow's C-word:  Confident

Catching Up (Cont'd) June 9 -- June 15

These C-words are amazing.  They're not all that easy to define and use, either.  They are ALL quite revealing when it comes to exposing my real self.  Interesting.... 

I'm still trying to catch up the blog on all my journal entries.  This should get me up to date, I'm hoping.



Sunday, June 9, 2013
C-word-----Compassionate

"Today was the Lord's Day.  After my big realization about my "contrite" personality flaw, this was rather poignant to me; as I worked very hard to be more contrite, especially as I partook of the Lord's Sacrament.  I hope I was more contrite today than yesterday.

I looked around all day for opportunities to be compassionate.  They abounded, so I thought.  Still, it felt a little off.   I decided to investigate the word more carefully.  The dictionary explained compassion to be akin to empathy, sympathy, pity.  That didn't feel right, for some reason.  So I turned to the scriptures.  Alma 27,  Nephi 17, and Christ's example in the New Testament as He healed both body and spirit ---and even mind, in some cases.  In ALL examples of compassion in the scriptures, a pattern emerged.  The feelings of sympathy were always followed by a service of some kind.

SYMPATHY + SERVICE = COMPASSION

For me, this was quite a discovery.  One is not feeling true compassion if one is not moved to ACT upon the feeling, to do an act of service, to help relieve a burden.

Times I have felt compassion:

-Saw orphans, felt compassion, adopted 3
-Have seen people sorrow, embraced them, listened to them.
-See hungry animals, feed them.
-My children need their mom, I spend time w/them
-My dad works too hard.  I send my kids to help him.
-Read of Christ, resolve to be worthy of Him.

Compassion is  ALWAYS followed by service.  Always."

Tomorrow's C-word-----"Coordinated"



Monday, June 10, 2013
C-word --- Coordinated

An opportune day for this word, as we are back in Blackfoor for a few days.  We left this afternoon. 

I coordinated the laundry so we could pack clean clothes, coordinated the meals we would eat while here, coordinated packing suitcases, packing the car, coordinated things at home so they will run smoothly while I'm away. 

I have determined that being coordinated is simply organizing matter.  Tuna fish and bread are matter; I simply coordinated them, brought the two elements together to make one thing.  I organized them into a sandwich.  The tuna and bread are now coordinated. 

There is much more to this word, but my eyelids won't stay open.  I am so very, very tired."

Tomorrow's c-word:   Constant


Tuesday, June 11, 2013
C-word:  Constant

Hmmm....I don't know why this word is affecting me so deeply.  Just seeing it written down caused a stir within.  How strange.

I've been thinking about this all day.  How am I "constant"?  What IS "constant", anyway?  It is never stopping; an unstopping, ever-flowing movement or state of being.  I know of some things I am "constant" in or about:  I am constant in my desire to see my God.  I am constant in my concerns about motherhood.  I am constant in my loyalty to my friends.  These things never stop.  Neither does my fatigue.  I am constantly tired.  I am not constant in going and going all day, for I stop regularly to rest.

I look and seek to be better constantly.  I am "constant" in this."

Tomorrow's C-word:  Connected



Wednesday, June 12, 2013
C-word:  Connected

"Connected:  Linking.  Entwined.  Fused together.  Touching.

Um, this is not a simple word.  How am I connected?  Am I connected to anything?

Well, I supposed I am connected to the ground, in the sense that gravity won't allow me to leave it.  I am connected through my body and emotions to my children; by giving birth to them, they are a part of me; by my heart because of my stewardship and responsibility towards them and....well, they're literally a part of me, of my very essence.  A part of me lives on in them.  I am connected by heart and body to Jim: by heart because I love him, by body because of sexual and emotional intimacy, and by body because of the children we have created together.

I am also opening up my mind to the possibility of being further connected to things and people by an unseen force, a string, shall we say, one end on me, the other end connected to another.  I believe that I can tighten the resistance of that string based on my faith, belief, desire, pulling it taut and brining that thing or person to me as I focus on it.

If this is true then there would be no such thing as coincidence or random happenstance.   Perhaps this type of "connectedness" is "connected" to the very powers of creation itself, in that if we dream it or focus on it, we can actually make it happen, bring it into being.

I wonder if this is the most divine of connections, this power to create....anything.  I would be a most sacred power.  Most sacred, indeed."

Tomorrow's c-word:  Consious



Thursday, June 13, 2013
C-word:  Conscious

"I spent all day at the courthouse in Pocatello for Alicia.  It was a tense and stressful experience.  I was "conscious' of so many things: how hard the benches are, how stark the halls of the courthouse.  I was "conscious" of Alicia's pain and stress.  I could actually FEEL her panic and fear.  She has had to represent herself in court, in a very precarious situation where her custody of the children are at stake, the result of an abusive ex-husband.  A lesser woman (like me) would have buckled and given up by now. I am presently acutely aware of her courage, her nobility in the forefront of my mind.  Very "conscious" of her and her situation.

While she was in the courtroom, several of her friends, including me, were there to support her.  We pretty much just hung around all day so she would be greeted by friendly faces whenever she emerged from the courtroom.  While waiting we felt to go across the street to the church there and pray.  One of our mutual friends prayed for her.  It was possibly the sweetest, humblest, downright poetic prayer I have ever heard.

I was deeply "conscious' of the feeling of love that united us all (there were at least 7 of us) in that moment.  I wept. 

The stress of the day was exhausting.  By the time we got home, I looked forward to blissful sleep.  "Un-conscious" was looking good.  What a remarkable day."

Tomorrow's word:  Careful


Friday, June 14, 2013
C-word: Careful

:Today was another all-day stint at the courthouse.  None of us wanted to be there, but none of us would have even entertained the thought of not being there to support Alicia.

I looked around at all who were there and was filled with emotion at how many people love her.  They all cared, were full of care: "Careful"

Normally, one would hear the word "careful" and think it would indicate "caution".  Today that didnt' apply.  I'm not sure it would ever apply to "caution", as that would indicate fear.  As I sat on the witness chair, trying to defend her with the truth, I was trying to be "careful" in my words, so as to help her case, not condemn it.  I did not want to be fearfully cautious, but deliberate and aware, yet bold in my statements.  I was not even a little afraid, surprisingly.  I was ready to defend of the greatest women I've ever been privileged to know.  I was full of care.

I wasn't the only one, either.  There were many there for her, so many showing her thier love and support.  We all could feel her pain almost as if it were our own.  We all sat out in the hall and wept for her.  There were nearly 20 of us there, crying together for her.  We were quite a sight. 

I wish this court case was over.

Tomorrow morning I drive back to Boise.  I must drive carefully --- again, not cautiously, but with care for the other drivers around me, concerned and caring for their welfare and safety as well as mine. 

Today I was genuinely full of care."

Tomorrow's c-word:  Centered



 Saturday, June 15, 2013
C-word:  Centered

"To be on an axis:,  "In the middle", "focused", "Centralized, with a focal point". 

Well, all those applied to me today" as well as applied to others I came in contact with. 

I came home to Boise from Blackfoot today.  It was a long trip.  I had to go into Idaho Falls first to pick up a friend who needed a ride home back to Boise. He likes to be the "center" of attention.  I suppose, in that context, he was centered.  Or perhaps I "centered" him by giving him that attention.  Hard to say. 

I feel that I am on an axis, standing on a fulcrum, at least, balancing Boise and Blackfoot, friends and family; personal, family, business, spiritual, home.  It's exhausting.  I am centered, but it feels precarious, as if at any moment I could tilt out of balance, removing myself from the center, having the whole thing topple down.  Is it too much?  Or am I selling myself short on what I can handle?  One of my weaknesses is my tendency to feel overwhelmed quickly.  Perhaps I am only feeling overwhelmed because I have decided to believe that's how I am.  Perhaps a different decision would change that, so that I don't HAVE to be overwhlmed.  It's entirely possible that I can decide to be NOT overwhlmed, have a "can-do" attitude, and eventually do it all---with ease, being "centered" in my abilities, thereby accomplishing the impossible.

Tomorrow's C-word:  Chosen