calm
CALM, a.
Wow, I am really struggling with some of these words. I have been calm today, but there were times when I was not. When he didn't get what he wanted, my 14-year-old son resorted to name-calling and confrontation, even trying to turn the other children against me. Inside I was not calm. Not even a little. Inside I begin to shake with post traumatic stress syndrome bubbling up from past abuse. Inside, he scares me. But I am training myself to be calm on the outside, at least, even pleasant. It is not easy, and always leaves me drained and listless. Today was a good day to come back to Blackfoot. I will have almost 2 weeks to let him simmer down before I get to return home, as business efforts must keep me away from home for now. We'll see if he chooses to do it. Maybe when I get back he won't be so punishing. Triumphantly, however, I was calm on the outside today, my passions bridled, my face smiling and tranquil, my words pleasant and truthful.
Usually, when I'm packing for these trips, I get a little anxious, often a bit testy with the kids. Today, not so. I kept calm. We were even late leaving and didn't arrive here until 1am, but I remained undisturbed. I pulled it off. I actually did it.
My husband and I had to make a choice as to which car I should bring, as each one has different issues that could possibly compromise the safety and effectiveness of my trip. This time, I felt completely calm on the inside as well as the outside. I was at peace, having a perfect confidence in God that He would arrange for all to be well. This trip will go smoothly. The clutch on the car will not have issues that cannot be easily dealt with. I am at complete peace on this matter, undisturbed, softly smiling at the surety of well-being that, because I feel it so profoundly, will actually be. I know it with a calm assurance and firmness. Of this I'm certain.
I calmly accept this as fact.
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